lisaisms

i'm not really into this UAAP season. i'm glad and proud of the team, but i didn't really root for them in any way. i went to the bonfire but left early. i miss being a student, THAT life. for a brief moment, i thought that going back to ateneo would bring everything back--which is completely unrealistic, of course. i don't know if it was just the weather, crowd or whatever, but it just didn't feel right. ateneo seemed so different and distant. the one place where i used to feel safe and comfortable (aside from our house) now feels strangely unfamiliar. at first i thought how much ateneo has changed the past two years, but i realized that it was really ME who changed. i'm no longer that idealistic student or easy-going dormer. i'm now an adult, and surprisingly, i don't feel that bad about it anymore.

(sorry for the crappy photo--took pics while trying to keep up with joan and kramer. hehe)

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this article has been going around the atenean community. quite a good read.

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i'm

really

terrible

at

relationships.

the concert of the year.
the concert we have wished for since the group disbanded.
the concert of arguably the best filipino band in history.

music that we grew up with.
music we first actually played.
music that we have sung, are still singing, and will sing in the next generations to come.


AND I FUCKING MISSED IT.


yes, you read it right. i missed the greatest concert in my lifetime so far. nevermind Incubus, this is THE Eraserheads. the first band i have loved. Huling El Bimbo is the first i have learned to play on the guitar, and after i've forgotten how to play every other song, it's also the last song i can play. the band embodies true filipino music and culture, and that's the reason why they have become so popular, successful and loved.

okay, health comes first. i'm currently in no condition to rock out at any concert.
this is actually the first time i feel resentment and regret over what happened to me. *sighs*

what's worse is that i was already THERE. my mom took me to a bazaar at The Fort, which was right behind the stage. my brother was also at Bonifacio High Street and we fetched him in front of Fully Booked--right when the concert started and i heard Alapaap over the airwaves.

Gusto mo bang sumama?

hearing that line, i couldn't help thinking, "Oo!" pero hanggang dito lang ako. LSS ng mga kanta nila tuloy ang inabot ko.


(sudden realization: i missed 2 reunion concerts of the 2 bands i like the most this year. sheesh.)

last week was the most emotionally fucked up week in my life. out of the seven days of the week, i cried five. thank god it's over.

but it's also good to take note of past things. we live, we learn, and we never give up.

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my dad was diagnosed with colon cancer almost a month ago. last friday he underwent sugery to remove the affected part of his colon and part of his liver. he's out of the ICU and back in his room, but he'll still need chemotherapy.

needless to say, it was difficult seeing my father that way. i just hope he gets better and recovers quickly.

thank you for the prayers.

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relationship? commitment? love?

ano nga ulit yung mga yun?

hay.

makapagbasa nga ulit ng philo at theo.

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if people keep on telling you to do one thing--because they think/ believe that it's the best for you--but you're not sure, would you follow their advise anyway just to appease them?

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scary thought: someone completely knowing you.

scarier: that someone gone.

four out of four in a span of a week. ouch. what the hell?!


and looks like it'll be five soon. *sigh*


i also want to call off something soon, hopefully very soon. i have run out of last straws for this thing called "work" and being an "account consultant". ugh.

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*update: looks like it's about the right time.

i don't have anything. at this point, i can really say that i failed at pretty much everything i've done for the past two years. i don't regret things--i'm just sad. but i don't want to be sad anymore. a lot of people are in worse shape than i am, and i guess i should be grateful that i actually have Options. i have high expectations of myself and i keep on comparing myself to others. i think that because they can do this and that, i can do it too. but that's just it: i'm not like other people because we're all different. if that's their way of doing stuff and it works, fine. i just have to find my own way. it's about time for a change.

bwiset ang mga taong tanga na pinagpipilitang ipasa ang katangahan nila sa iba para lang hindi sila mapahiya.

god give me patience.

i'm in a slump again--a blogging slump, that is. so here i am, taking one thing at a time:

i now want to get into fashion--photography, styling and make-up. (yes, i know that it's so unlike me. hehe.)

being an AE is not for me. i'm just too darn honest, not to mention impatient, pessimistic and unforgiving. i have arrived at the point where i hate having to talk to clients (which, ironically, is my primary job). i used to think that i this job was handed to me because i need it--because i need to learn patience, etc. but now i think it's just here to annoy me (kidding). anyway, you live and learn: this job's just not for me.

therefore, I'M FOR HIRE (again). will do almost anything for money. compensation is negotiable.

i miss a lot of things (again) lately: being with friends, studying something, having the courage to say and do the things that i want to, believing that i made the right decision.

needless to say (but i'm saying it anyway-- damn another cliche), i've been in an emotional fuckfest for some days now and i can't blame it on my period.

i think that i may be losing my touch with movies. hope not.

i finished reading Candide by Voltaire a few days ago. great book. wanted to write about it. hope i can think of something.

i'm broke.

and of course i just had to come across this song:

Test Pattern by The Thermals

I believe, I believe
I could see, I could see
forever in my hand

but I believe, I believe
I could leave and if you notice
then you would understand

and so I feel alone
wide and low
I feel you suffering sad

cause I believe, I believe
I could see, I could see
forever in my hand

so you can call this a test pattern
so you don't have to commit
so you could change any day

I believe, I believe
you could see, you could see
me forever by his side

and I believe, I believe
if you leave, if you leave
I will cry, I will cry, I will cry
why do I feel so crazy now
why am I losing my mind

cause I believe, I believe
you could see me forever by his side

still you can call this a test pattern
so you don't have to commit
so you can change any day

i finally got this template to work!!! :)

still a few bugs to figure out though...

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[warning: mushpit and angstgarden ahead]


i have been thinking about him a lot recently. i hate it. he's on my mind all the freaking time. i think about us: where we are and where we're headed. and it hurts.

i like him A LOT. i like us A LOT. i knew from the start that this isn't going to be easy. i knew that it's probably a bad decision for us to be this way. but what did i do? nothing. did i say anything? no. and after several weeks, i am like other girls. i got attached. but i'm not really surprised.

unfortunately, i feel that i'm alone in this. i may be ready, but he's not. heck, i don't even think that he wants something more than what we have now. then again, i don't blame him; it is me, after all. he probably realizes how difficult it is to be with me. (wow. it's me liking a person who doesn't like me back. what a surprise.)

honestly, my heart aches when i think about him. it really freakin' hurts. it's the crushing feeling all over again. and i feel that if this goes on any longer i'll freakin' BREAK.


whew.

to cut to the chase, i'm feeling like shit. here i am again, in this "phase" of not knowing what to do with my life. wait, let me correct that--i don't know what the heck i want to do with my life, and that's way worse.

basically, i'm in jobhunting mode once more. and i'm getting tired of it. 2 jobs in 2 years? that's terrible. and now i'm going for job numero tres. great. good if i already know what i want to do in the long run. but then again, i'm perpetually indecisive and easily impatient. just great. sales? advertising? marketing? photography? IT? to bum, or not to bum? like, WHAT THE FUCK. can i just disappear and get this life thing over and done with? sheesh.

today at work i burst into tears over something so insignificant. my tearducts have a mind of their own, so even if i didn't want to cry over it, it just can't be helped. it's not the stress--hello, how could i be stressed over my so-called work?

and even now as i'm typing this, my tearducts decided that they want another go at it. and this absolutely sucks. what the fuck, i can't even control my own eyes?! how am i supposed to control my life if i can't control my lacrimal glands?!

i guess it's the frustration that i'm not able to meet my own expectations. this sounds a bit mayabang(?), but for most of my life, i have never failed at anything. i may not be the best, but i sure don't fail. it's just not an option. and i guess there's a time for everything, and hence, it's THAT time in my life. woohoo, meet the failure. of course, like everything else in my lucky, lucky life, there couldn't be a better timing. great. when the hell would i be out of this goddamn motherfucking shithole?

and nothing's helping.

this is really one of the times when i just want to

apparently i am affected. passive, dumb, insensitive, selfish girl living in fiction whose self-centeredness exudes in everything she says and does. i have been trying not to think about it, trying to convince myself otherwise, trying hard not to be affected by his words, trying not to look affected, trying not to sound affected, trying not to act affected. i'm not perfect in any way, but am i really THAT bad?

i guess there's some truth to what he says. after all, i am still alone. people that i have loved are nowhere to be found. i feel like a plague, ruining people's lives i come into contact with. but oh well, i guess some people do not deserve to be loved. i guess some people are just meant to be alone.

mom and dad, don't expect grandchildren from me. haha.

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"Still Alone" by Straylight Run (definitely in the soundtrack of my life. i looooove this band!!!!)

Doing like you said, taking deep breaths
Keeping my cool, counting to ten.
On my own again, trying to keep my head clear
Go for walks away from here
But I know, I am

I'm still alone, still alone
Like the day I was born,
Born and brought into this world.
Still alone, still alone
Like the day I was born,
Born and brought into this world.

Hold on to your friends, that's what he said.
I guess that his friends are not like mine.
I could write a list of people I don't miss.
I'm sorry, but I'm so much better off without you.

I'm still alone, still alone
Like the day I was born,
Born and brought into this world.
Still alone, still alone
Like the day I was born,
Born and brought into this world.

Hold it all against me, still don't bother.
Hold it all against me, still another complaint.
High maintenance complaint, oh shutup.
Ba da dee da da da da, ba ba da
Ba da dee da da da da, ba ba da da da
Ba ba da da da
Oh, shutup.

Still alone, still alone
Like the day I was born,
Born and brought into this world.
Still alone, still alone
Like the day I was born,
Born and brought into this world.
Still alone, still alone
Like the day I was born,
Born and brought
Into this world.

i haven't been "alright" for some time now. i hate to say it, but i'm back to being dazed and confused. i thought it was only because of the holidays--yes, i am a scrooge. i'm not really the celebratin' holidayin' kind of person. like my birthday, i only participate because the people i care about like it. anyway, i normally feel low during the holiday season, but apparently it's not just that.

it's basically everything in my life right now. i don't usually compare myself to other people; normally i don't give a shit. in general, everybody seems to be doing great, while i'm not. i have nothing against happy people; i'm sincerely proud and happy for them. i just feel like shit about myself. i won't list all of them, but i feel like i'm regressing in all aspects of my life. pathetic, but lately i've been crying myself to sleep every night, lost all motivation to work, and already broke one of my resolutions (yes, this early)--i'm smoking cigarettes again like i'm in hell, not to mention that my tolerance for alcohol as increased (i blame the holidays).

i learned a long time ago (was it really that long ago?) that i should be more proactive and not wait for everything to fall on my lap. which is why i have been trying to come up with ideas on what i should do with my life. i have thought of some possible courses of action (e.g. go back to school, look for another job, etc.), but nothing definite just yet. i'm even toying with the idea of bumming or go "soul searching", but who knows what good that'll do given that i'm already overdosing my head with ideas and theories. so basically, i'm back to beyond square one.

misery loves company. sadly, i don't have any. hahahahaha. what person would want to hear another person's rantings and ramblings right? which is why people have blogs: we pour in thoughts that other people don't really want to hear about. thank god at least i have this.

i went to the wake of my friend's mom last thursday. my friend, oj, called me on dec. 21. we haven't talked or seen each other in a very long time, and i was surprised that he did. he wanted somebody to talk to. he told me that the doctors gave his mother, who had cancer, only a week more. she passed away moments before christmas eve.

it was the first time our family spent new year's eve away from one another. my mom was rushed to the hospital yesterday because she was dizzy and her abdomen hurt like hell. turns out that she has myoma and cysts in her uterus and ovaries, and she will have to undergo a hysterectomy tomorrow.

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i finished reading The New Life by Orhan Pamuk yesterday in the waiting area of the Makati Medical Center. honestly, i did not understand the whole point of the story--maybe because i was distracted by the annoying kid/ cold/ stinky drivers. the journey for the New Life seemed pointless. after all the chase, deceit and murder-- he didn't get anything that he wanted. nothing seemed to amount to anything. but i realized after that maybe THAT was the real message. we spend our lives on trivial things and search for things that maybe are not there at all. we spend too much time pondering and wandering, when we should just focus on what's right in front of us.

things do happen when they need to. i bought this book just because i didn't have something to read over the christmas break and it had a good title. i never would have thought that it would have such an impact on me. in some ways i feel like the character in the book: constantly switching from one bus to another in pursuit of an Angel, of a New Life, always meeting people who remain acquaintances, adapting to each situation and changing identities as needed. i feel like i'm in search of something, but a something that i'm not really sure of. i feel like i'm journeying to nowhere in particular, just moving. i'm in this point of my life where nothing seems to make sense anymore, and i'm actually thinking and saying to myself that i want a new life.

but i'm not having that anymore. i'm through wanting, waiting and running after whatnot. after the events that happened (especially this month), i realized that there are a gazillion things that are more important: self-acceptance and family. whatever else that needs to be done will be realized in time.

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something that i picked up from Avatar (this show is actually good):

"The monks say hope is a distraction, it's not gonna get us through this bridge and it's not gonna find Appa."

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since i kept most of my resolutions last year, i'm making more for this year:

• from last year: totally stop smoking. last year i only smoked socially (a huge improvement), but this year, i am going to quit completely.
  
• get some exercise. i have been such a lazy bum since i started working (almost 2 years now). i did get thinner (probably only due to stress), but my arms, tummy and thighs are flabbier. i REALLY need to get fit again.
• practice photography. i'm planning to do at least one of these. [update: started project 365 in flickr.]
  
• prioritize my family. i know that i have not been making my family a priority for the past few years of my life, and it took the recent events (my grandfather's illness, oj's mom's death and my mom's hysterectomy) to make me realize the importance of family in one's life. i also realized this year that friendship is not forever. sad but true: i can't always count on my friends. i've been with my friends for 4 years, and now is the time for me to focus on my family. after all, i do want to have a family of my own one day, and i want my future husband and future children to value this as well.
  
• be more thankful :)

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what i learned from watching The Sopranos (so far):

• you can use the word "fuck" in any fucking sentence
• i fucking love italian food
• it is possible to be in a fucking dysfunctional family and get fucking good grades
• italian women stay fit while their husbands are fucking fat
• deceit and betrayal is the fucking way to go
  
• being in a mob is way fucking cool and even more fucking complicated
  
• i need to see a fucking shrink
  

i've been on the border for some time, and now, this post confirms that i finally accept what i have been denying for the past few weeks. yes, emo is back, and with a vengeance.

i am an emo kid at heart, apparently. no sense in denying and escaping that. there is always this emptiness that i cannot seem to shake off no matter how hard i try. i am so sick of This, and contrary to what people may think, i am constantly thinking of and trying ways to Get A Move On. but even optimism and proactivity has lost their magic. they work for a while, but after some weeks or months, i sink again. i am shooting away blindly once more. i know there's a light at the end of the tunnel, but like a horror movie, it just seems to get farther and farther away from me.

anyway, it really does not matter. i'll be out of this after a while-- i just don't know when exactly.

"Nothing" by Scott Fisher

My inspiration has gone dry
I have not even a reply for your words
I watch the cars as they pass by
Do you see indifference in my eyes
They reveal me

I want to love but there’s no one
I want to play outside but there’s no sun

I watch the rain as it pours on
I try in vain to write a song, but there’s nothing
I shut my eyes to pass the time
I hear the church bell ring out twice
And still nothing

I want to love but there’s no one
I want to play outside but there’s no sun

And I look into the sky and I see nothing
And I reach into my heart and I feel nothing
And my lovely muse has gone and turned to nothing
And nothing is what I feel today

I want to love but there’s no one
I want to play outside but there’s no sun

A pardon is the forgiveness of a crime and the penalty associated with it.

how does one seek "full, free, and unconditional pardon" when one does not admit that he made a mistake?


i still stand by my government conspiracy theory.

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argh. i hate people who think they know everything. and people who think they're the ones in charge. and people who think that they are actually deserving.

i was riding an FX back to Tektite when the guy beside me received a call. he said that there was a blast in ayala.

but what's with (a) the police not being sure if it was a bomb, (b) reporters who do not listen, and (c) the business-as-usual treatment? anyone can see that the blast could not have been from an LPG tank. once the question has been answered, you do not have to ask it again the very next second.

reporter: deliberate attack ho ba ang pagsabog? is it a bomb?
police person: as of the moment, hindi pa ho namin nakukuha ang lahat ng ebidensya. hindi pa ho natin masasabi na bomb nga yun.
reporter: nakita niyo ba yung mga parte ng bomba?

being pinoys, we get to joke about everything and tend to take most things lightly.

but it's really different when it hits close to home. thank God nobody i knew was hurt.

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i went back to Megamall and rode an FX to Tektite again. the driver was the grumpiest old man i've ever encountered in my life, cursing at everything and everyone. he got pissed off at the guy sitting beside me. he stopped the vehicle, went down, opened the door on the left of the guy (i was on his right) and threatened him with a rusty itak.

what the hell is wrong with this day?

i've been on sick leave for the past three workdays due to urinary tract infection. sounds gross, i know, not to mention
this is probably the worst "illness" i've felt-- dengue (age 6), pneumonia (age 10), gastritis (age 20) and dehydration (age 20) do not even compare. and given the timeline, i haven't been really sick for 10 years of my life. so... i have come to this conclusion: my work environment does not suit me well.

hehe. i bet you already saw that coming. but yeah, i haven't felt this bad (of course this is inclusive of being sick, stressed, etc.) since.. well i haven't felt like this my whole life. i think dengue and pneumonia are illnesses that basically cannot be avoided, especially if you're a kid. those are attributed to external factors, such as mosquitoes, pollution, etc. but gastritis and dehydration are another thing. those are illnesses that i could (and should) avoid and control, since they are attributed to eating patterns, urinating, etc. throughout the 10 years, i have always considered myself as one of the "healthy people." sure, i contract the occasional colds and rare fevers, but that's it. i never had any problems eating, peeing, drinking, or whatever -ing's there may be. it's just recently (although i don't think i can still call it "recent") when i've started working, that i have been in such condition. it was actually a lot more hectic in college than it is now that i'm working, but i was never (or rarely) stressed or sick.

ugh. i hate the working world. but working is inevitable, so i'll just blame the environment. haha.

it's really different when you like what you're doing. i don't want to be such a priss about it, but i'd hate it more if i don't resolve the what if's of my life. after all, life is indeed to short to be miserable.

(and sometimes it's good to know that you're not the only person in the working world who feels crappy about their job. there is strength in numbers! haha!)

on this note, more news: i've decided NOT to accept the job in scribble works. the job's really what i want (accounts executive), but the compensation blows. i can work with the salary, but i can only actually benefit from the benefits after 5 months. i can't wait that long, especially now that i'm not well and realizing the importance of reimbursement. i'm not that bummed about it anyway.

speaking of jobs, i'm so happy for newly-hired-soon-to-be-turning-japanese aeo! i knew he could do it. after all, he is results-oriented. hehe. i am going to miss him though.

mahirap.
mahirap pero kakayanin.
kakayanin dahil kinakailangan.

realization #1: i hate nights.

realization #2: i'm in a *gasp* my chemical romance phase.

Now I know
That I can't make you stay
But where's your heart?
But where's your heart?
But where's your...

And I know
There's nothing I could say
To change that part
To change that part
To change...

So many
Bright lights, they cast a shadow
But can I speak?
Well is it hard understanding
I'm incomplete
A life that's so demanding
I get so weak
A love that's so demanding
I can't speak

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I don't love you
Like I loved you
Yesterday

*all art from www.deviantart.com

fucking bastard. walang kwenta. o di ba, nagmukha akong tanga. grabe, hindi ako makapaniwalang nagkaganoon ako para lang sa WALA. to say na nasaktan ako is a HUGE understatement. hindi lang ako nasasaktan, nagmukha pa akong tanga. bwiset sa buhay. nung isang linggo pa pala eh, bakit mo pinatagal?? grabe, ayun ako, nagkakanda-ugaga. grabe. eh di sana hindi na ako nag-aksaya ng isang linggo sa pagpapaka-effort. lecheng effort. putang inang effort. pero sige, ako naman ang nagdesisyon na gawin ang bagay na iyon-- ang magpaka-effort jan. bwiset. kahit na nakikita ko namang malabo. pero sige lang. sabi mo nga dati, gusto mong mag step-up ako. aya ayun. ever since ng pag-uusap natin na iyon, nagstep-up akom nagpaka-effort. bwiset. dahil gusto kong maging maayos ang lahat. dahil gusto kong tumagal tayo. dahil gusto ko ang relationship natin, kahit mahirap. hay nako, dahil siguro mahal kita. ewan ko ba, hindi ko talaga magawang magalit sa yo sa harap mo, o kahit sa phone man lang. ngayon lang. dahil pinagmukha mo akong TANGA. naalala ko nga yung sa theo-- love is not a feeling; it's a decision. kaya kahit anong hirap, dahil pinili ko itong relationship natin, dahil IKAW ang pinili ko, pinanindigan ko iyon. hinding hindi mo masasabi na hindi ako sumubok, na hindi ako nagpakahirap sa relationship na ito. ang kapal ng fezz mo kung sabihin mong hindi mong wala akong effort o kung hindi mo nakikita o nararamdaman. PUTANG INA, kung hindi mo nararamdaman o nakikita, KASALANAN MO yun, dahil if i know, you just REFUSE to SEE it. putang ina talaga. sayang, alam mo yun? dahil kung mutual lang itong willingness to work this out, talagang maaayos ito. naiinis ako dahil parang ako lang talaga ang may gusto nitong relasyon na ito. oo nga pala, sorry, my mistake. WALA NA nga pala. haha. hindi ko pa alam ang rason mo para pagdesisyunan ito, pero eto lang a: bakit hindi mo naman ako sinabihan beforehand na ayaw mo na pala??? like, let me see, some time last week? punyeta. coz if i feel na we cans till work it out, then I AM MORE THAN WILLING to do so. tangina. ang hirap pala talaga kung mahal mo yung tao, pero ikaw hindi nya mahal. hay. lahat naman ng bagay nabibigyan ng solusyon. pero ano bang magagawa ko kung ayaw mo talaga sa akin? sobrang sakit lang talaga. nakikita mo kasi yung pagbabago.... dati nakikita mong mahal na mahal ka ng taong ito, pero habang tumatagal, nakikita mo ring parang ayaw na niya sa yo. at kahit anong gaawin mo, kahit anong effort pa ang ibigay mo, wala talaga. grabe, ang sakit. walang katumbas na sakit. ngayon lang ako nasaktan nang ganito sa buong buhay ko. well, congrats to myself, there's a first time for everything. haha. o di ba, when did you experience something for the first time? haha. ngayon yon. hahahahaha. nakakabwiset talaga. hay nako. and the fact that he said it with so much calm, like it was something that was as a matter of fact. sana man lang naramdaman ko yung sincerity sa sorry mo, eh hindi eh.

by the way, hindi ako galit. naglalabas lang ng sama ng loob para kinabukasan, at sa next time na magkikita tayo, hindi na ako magiging bayolente. at shempre, lahat ng ito, lahat ng sama ng loob ko, ay dahil lang naman sa WALA KA KASING SINASABI. malamang pag nag-usap na tayo, hindi na masama ang loob ko. haha. pasensya ka na kung may nakakabasa nitong ibang tao. wala akong pakialam sa iniisip ninyo. pati na sa iniisip MO. i think i'm entitled to express my feelings. yes, my feelings na wala mashadong basis dahil hindi ko pa naman talaga alam ang tunay na dahilan. haha.

in fairness, wala akong mashadong iniyak ngayong gabi. mas madami pa akong naiyak last week. siguro kahit papano, naramdaman ko nang wala na nga talaga. in fairness, ang galing ko naman. haha. to the next level ang akong intuition. hahahaha.

hay. wala man lang pampalubag-loob.

"any status where a person or project is held up, and nothing can be done until another action happens" (wikipedia)

diversion. perversion. conversion.
attraction. conversation. evolution.

Dying is an art.
Like everything else,
I do it exceptionally well.
I do it so it feels like hell.
I do it so it feels real.
I guess you could say I have a call.

-----

One day I'll have my death of him.

-----

You think I'll weep.
No, I shall not weep:
I'll have full cause of weeping:
but this heart shall break
into a hundred thousand flaws,
or ere I'll weep. O fool, I shall go mad!

-----

I'll so offend to make offense a skill,
redeeming time
when men think least I will.

-----

"But I think you've frightened her, and that's why she likes you."

-----

"Destroy! Destroy! Destroy!",
hums the underconsciousness.
"Love and produce! Love and produce!"
cackles the upperconsciousness.
And the world hears only
the 'love and produce' cackle.
Refuses to hear the hum
of destruction underneath...
until such time as it
will have to hear.

-----

"Sometimes I feel like I'm not... solid. I'm hollow. There's... nothing behind my eyes. I'm a negative of a person. It's as if I never-- I never thought of anything. I never wrote... anything, I never felt anything. All I want is blackness-- blackness and silence."

-----

"We're not even two people. Even before we met, we were just... these two halves... walking around with big... gaping holes in us shaped like the other person. And then we found each other and we were finally a whole. But then it's as if we couldn't stand being happy, so we ripped-- we ripped ourselves in half again."

-----

The box is locked.
It is dangerous.
There are no windows,
so I can't see what is in there.
There is only a little grid.
No exit.

i knew i shouldn't have watched this in the state i'm in. good movie though. gwyneth paltrow rocks.