lisaisms

it has been more or less two weeks since i finished reading "The Time Traveler's Wife" by Audrey Niffenegger. this is her first novel, and it's certainly not going to be the last. the story is about Henry and Clare, husband and wife, who were brought together by time and fate. i must say that this is one of the best novels i've ever read in my life. the plot is unique, and one can't help but acknowledge the difficulty involved in writing it. i couldn't believe that this is just her first published novel when i was reading it. it's a fresh alternative to.. basically everything.

heart-warming. that's how i would describe the story in a (well, 2) word(s). it's rare that you relate and feel for something you know that is not real. i found myself laughing, crying, being proud, embarassed, ashamed, awed, confused, scared and happy with the characters. i don't know if it's the right way to describe it, but i would say that Ms. Niffenegger's way of writing is "sincere." it's so honest that i got goosebumps reading it.

but i won't elaborate anymore -- it's better if you'd read it for yourself. i recommend this book to everyone who loves to read. this was the first time i actually cried while reading a novel (and i was impressed because of it). such a darn good read, especially when you're in a-certain-phase-in-your-life-that-is-similar-to-where-i-am-now (ha!). i absolutely love this book.

"I keep myself busy. Time goes faster that way." --Clare Abshire.

i haven't been posting anything "read-able" for the past few weeks. things have been up and down more frequently than normal. reality basically slapped me in the face. it was difficult, and it hurt. but i'm glad that those things happened, and those words were said. it could be worse. some reality bytes:

• "great teams wax and wane."-- rick olivares. the ateneo blue booters have ended the 1st round of the UAAP football season with 1 win, the rest losses. sad to say, the 3-peat team is indeed gone. even with championship veterans pat ozaeta and gino tongson in the team, the majority of the roster is still composed of rookies. i want to get angry at some of them (especially the one by the name of kurt alvarez), but then i realized that it's not worth it, nor is it going to achieve anything. it's sad not seeing captain mickey ingles, best striker roger lastimado, mickee gimarino (the best midfielder for us!), alvin perez, jp merida, jerwin belina, jerome reyes, zaldy maranon, peter mortillero -- and all those players who we supported throughout college. i guess it's just sinked in recently that our batch is really gone. and the blue booter batch we now should support are the "new blood" -- rs mantos, jj clemente, james arco, jiggy sulit, gab siojo (yes, another siojo), mico noel, derick candelaria, and others who hope to continue the legacy.
• "what cannot be cured must be endured." --and i forgot what novel i got this from (hehe). i have come to accept the inevitable that is work. more specifically, working in IBM. i won't elaborate anymore since i have been ranting about this since forever. put simply, as long as i can handle it, i might as well stick with it. my manager actually gave me a rating i honestly feel like i don't deserve -- a 2! oh well, at least i'm getting paid (for doing things i don't like and for not caring about the company) -- i know it's not much of a consolation, but hey, i get to actually save this time.
  
• money isn't everything. i thought i would be happy just getting paid, but there's more to work AND life. i realized that i would rather do something i love and get paid very little, than getting a higher salary for do something i don't give a shit about. but for now, i'm surviving with the idea that i can eventually resign and that i am not alone --a lot of people in this world also hate their jobs. haha.
  
• "it's not a matter of compatibility; it's how you work things out." --my dad. and making it work is so much more difficult than what is anticipated.
  
• there is a God, and He is actually telling me something. i heard this passage thrice in 3 weeks already:

i thought that maybe, just maybe, God is telling me something.

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had a weird dream. there was a guy touching my ass (again).

"may thing tyo nun e"

brando boy. why so late?? it would have been so much fun, even though it wasn't real. it wouldn't work out, but still, it would have been fun. haha.

"kaw kasi pinili mo sha nandun naman ako naghihintay na pancinin ako" --- wahahaha winner!!!!

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it's time to start anew.

Try by Nelly Furtado

All I know
Is everything is not as it's sold
but the more I grow the less I know
And I have lived so many lives
Though I'm not old
And the more I see, the less I grow
The fewer the seeds the more I sow

Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try
Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try

I wish I hadn't seen all of the realness
And all the real people are really not real at all
The more I learn the more I cry
As I say goodbye to the way of life
I thought I had designed for me

Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try
Then I see you standing there
I'm all I'll ever be
But all I can do is try
Try

All of the moments that already passed
We'll try to go back and make them last
All of the things we want each other to be
We never will be
And that's wonderful, and that's life
And that's you, baby
This is me, baby
And we are, we are, we are, we are
Free
In our love
We are free in our love

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"But i find that i get tired when i try."

me as of noon yesterday:
me as of 8pm last night:

ayabsolutlilabit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

that was the biggest cut i ever had in my life. it was also the biggest cut of jerry, my stylist at toni and guy. last night was also the first time i went with a total stranger. jerry offered to give me a ride, since he was going to annex 41, and i accepted. it was also my first time to ride an owner-type jeep (is that the correct term?), "cruisin'" through the highway with no windows and protected by a make-shift seatbelt. and yes, i realized after how dangerous (not to mention weird) that was. but what the hell. i'm alive and well aren't i? hehe. a fun and interesting experience. apparently, there's competition and favoritism everywhere -- including beauty salons.

anne, jerry's assistant, told me that in japan (she worked for a while in a call center there), the reason girls chop off their long hair is because of -- guess what -- boy trouble. hahahahaha. she's so nice and pretty.

everybody in the salon didn't want to cut my hair short. nanghihinayang daw sila kasi maganda daw buhok ko. maganda daw. bagay sa akin ang mahabang buhok. but i don't want to be pretty. i don't want to be constrained anymore.


i have no excuse to hide.

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i'm not a fan of my chemical romance, but this song has a bon jovi feel to it. and for some reason, i can't get it out of my head.

Famous Last Words by My Chemical Romance

Now I know
That I can't make you stay
But where's your heart?
But where's your heart?
But where's your

And I know
There's nothing I can say
To change that part
To change that part
To change

So many
Bright lights they cast a shadow
But can I speak
Is it hard understanding
I'm incomplete
A life that's so demanding
I get so weak
A love that's so demanding
I can't speak

I am not afraid to keep on living
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
Honey if you stay I'll be forgiven
Nothing you can say can stop me going home

Can you ?
My eyes are shining bright
'Cause I'm out here on the other side
Of a jet black hotel mirror
And I'm so weak
Is it hard understanding
I'm incomplete
A love that's so demanding
I get weak

I am not afraid to keep on living
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
Honey if you stay I'll be forgiven
Nothing you can say can stop me going home

These bright lights have always blinded me
These bright lights have always blinded me
I said

I see you lying next to me
With words I thought I'd never speak
Awake and unafraid
Asleep or dead

I am not afraid to keep on living
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
Honey if you stay I'll be forgiven
Nothing you can say can stop me going home

I know “sorry” doesn’t make it okay. I know “sorry” is not enough. I know that I’ve said “sorry” countless times already. And I know that sometimes, “sorry” makes it only worse.

Why is it that at the moment you want to do the right thing, the wrong things you’ve done come to haunt you?

This is what I was afraid of from the start. I knew this was going to happen. I was hoping for the best, and yet I was expecting the worst –- if that even makes any sense.

Lack of judgment. Lack of courage. Failure of the mind to catch up with the heart.

And to reiterate what I’ve said before:

Thursday, January 11, 2007

nakakainis kapag palagi kang mali. ok lang sana kung nagkakamali paminsan-minsan, pero kung palagi na lang mali ang nagagawa mo, mali ang lumalabas sa bibig mo, mali ang naiisip mo.. aba, nakakabwisit. nakakapagod. nakakapanliit. hindi ko na nga alam ang pakiramdam na maging tama. oo, natututo tayo sa ating mga pagkakamali. pero sana hindi ganito kadalas. sana hindi ganito kasakit. ayoko na. gusto ko nang sumuko. sawang-sawa na ako sa pagiging mali. sawang-sawa na ako sa sarili ko. kung pwede lang na gumising ako isang araw na hindi ako, kung pwede na lang maglaho....................... hay, ang maglaho.

Sunday, November 19, 2006

addicted to melancholy

random thought: maybe some people are really destined to be alone.

wala kang mapapala sa akin.

Student Number? 021778.

College? Course? school of management. communications technology management.

Nag-shift ka ba/na-kick-out? nope.

Saan ka kumuha ng ACET? ateneo de manila university.

Favorite PE? badminton-- the only sport i can sort of play. haha.

Name your 4 PEs: fencing, step aero, PE101 and badminton.

Favorite Professors: strebel (philo), ambeth (rizal), fr. nick (euro film), andrew ty (horror film), bobby guev (theo), and exie abola (lit).

Pinakasikat na Prof: fr. dacanay..?

Kumuha ka ba ng Wed or Sat class? wednesday yes, saturday no.

Nakapag-field trip ka na ba? um, i think so..

Orgs/Frats/Soros? ACTM, MEcO. never was active. haha.

Tambayan? sec-a bench.

Paboritong fishball? yung nasa UP.

May suki ka bang bananaQ vendor? wala.

First play na napanood mo sa Ateneo? can't remember.

Name 5 of the coolest orgs/frats/soro. what a loser question. hahahahaha.

Saan ka madalas mag-lunch? sa bench.

Nakasama ka na ba sa rally? yep, sa st. scho. hehe.

Ilang beses ka bumoto sa student council? er.. once?

Nakipagtalo ka na ba sa prof mo about politics? never.. don't really care about politics. haha.

Sinong student council chair nung freshie ka? ewan.

Sinamahan ka ba ng parent/s mo nang mag-enrol ka nung freshie? of course not.

Nagtaka ka ba kung saan ang TBA? nope. sinabi na nila agad eh. haha.

Sino first ever nakilala mo sa Ateneo? hmm.. can't remember. blockmate yan.

Magkakilala pa rin kayo hanggang ngayon? i'm sure.

Ano first ever class na pinasukan mo? english. mwf, 930am.

Masaya ba sa Ateneo? SHEMPRE.

nakakainis kapag palagi kang mali. ok lang sana kung nagkakamali paminsan-minsan, pero kung palagi na lang mali ang nagagawa mo, mali ang lumalabas sa bibig mo, mali ang naiisip mo.. aba, nakakabwisit. nakakapagod. nakakapanliit. hindi ko na nga alam ang pakiramdam na maging tama. oo, natututo tayo sa ating mga pagkakamali. pero sana hindi ganito kadalas. sana hindi ganito kasakit. ayoko na. gusto ko nang sumuko. sawang-sawa na ako sa pagiging mali. sawang-sawa na ako sa sarili ko. kung pwede lang na gumising ako isang araw na hindi ako, kung pwede na lang maglaho....................... hay, ang maglaho.

i hate the reality that you're better than me.

i love when it's the new year because i have this belief that it's an opportunity to start over. who would pass up a chance like that? now here's the time for me to make things better. i like new years because i'm given a new hope (aba, parang Star Wars).

anyway, what's the new year without resolutions? so far, i haven't kept any of my new year's resolutions. let's hope that this year would be different. this year i resolve to:

• stop smoking. i've been smoking on and off since my second year of college. i'm not addicted to it, but for some reason-- maybe stress, overeating, or social situations-- it has been difficult for me to kick the habit. it was the worst during my 3rd year and some parts of 4th year, when i used to smoke half a pack a day. sure, that's nothing compared to others. but the reality is that my health is not what it used to be; my breathing has significantly changed, and i'm not as resilient as before. also, i'm not getting any younger, and smoking would only aggravate whatever skin condition/s i might have. (so for once, advertisements are actually saying the truth.)so for once and for all, I WILL STOP SMOKING.
• keep the ranting at a minimum. for me, this is more difficult than quitting smoking (haha). i've been ranting a lot the past year, and i actually feel sorry for the people who have been witnessing my bitchy manic-depressive behavior. besides, i think i can control myself.
• make the most of whatever situation i'm in. i realize that basically, i don't have a choice on everything in my life; there are things i just can't control and i can't have my way all the time. (wow, is this me actually sounding mature? di ata bagay. nyehehe.) i guess it wouldn't be so bad if i tried. i wouldn't want to think of myself as a failure, and much less others seeing me as one. i finally realized that i should be proactive in these kinds of situations, instead of just waiting for other people to make things happen for me.
• get better at my art. art is one of the things that literally keeps me sane. i'm not that good at photography/painting (yet), but i love doing it, and i will probably keep doing it for the rest of my life. practice makes perfect, right? (then again there's the counter that "nobody's perfect, so why practice?" -- but nevermind that. haha.) oh yeah, i would also like to be reunited with writing and filmmaking :)
• be more humanitarian. it's about time that i stop thinking of myself. there are millions of people out there who are in worse conditions than i am. i realize that instead of complaining, i should be thankful for everything that i have and use whatever means i have, no matter how small, to make the world a better place. i guess i'm not such a bad person as i thought.
• save. i do allocate a chunk of my salary for my savings account. this year i'm increasing this chunk if i'm going to follow through with my plans (which will be for another post).
  

first LSS of the year. it's only 1140am, and i've played this more than 10 times already.

Shiver by Maximo Park (Natalie Imbruglia cover)

I don't know where I am,
But I know it's all right.
I don't know anyone around here,
But I'm safe this time.
I don't care where I am,
But I know it's all right.
I jump the tracks, I can't get back
But it's safe this time.

'Cause when you tell me stupid things like you do,
I have to change the rules;
I can't lose.

'Cause I shiver,
I just break up.
When I'm near you, it all gets out of hand.
Yes I shiver,
I get bent up.
There's no way that I know you'll understand.

We talk and talk around it all,
How'd we end up here?
I'm in a rush
If I'd only stop
And take my time.

'Cause with you, I'm running somewhere I can't get to.
Yes I have to change the rules;
I'm with you.

'Cause I shiver,
I just break up.
When I'm near you, it all gets out of hand.
Yes I shiver,
I get bent up.
There's no way that I know you'll understand.

If I never saw you again,
Could I keep all this inside?
If I never saw you again,
Could I keep all this inside?

'Cause I shiver,
I just break up.
When I'm near you, it all gets out of hand.
Yes I shiver,
I get bent up.
There's no way that I know you'll understand.

'Cause I shiver,
I just break up.
When I'm near you, it all gets out of hand.
Yes I shiver,
I get bent up.
There's no way that I know you'll understand.