lisaisms

the concert of the year.
the concert we have wished for since the group disbanded.
the concert of arguably the best filipino band in history.

music that we grew up with.
music we first actually played.
music that we have sung, are still singing, and will sing in the next generations to come.


AND I FUCKING MISSED IT.


yes, you read it right. i missed the greatest concert in my lifetime so far. nevermind Incubus, this is THE Eraserheads. the first band i have loved. Huling El Bimbo is the first i have learned to play on the guitar, and after i've forgotten how to play every other song, it's also the last song i can play. the band embodies true filipino music and culture, and that's the reason why they have become so popular, successful and loved.

okay, health comes first. i'm currently in no condition to rock out at any concert.
this is actually the first time i feel resentment and regret over what happened to me. *sighs*

what's worse is that i was already THERE. my mom took me to a bazaar at The Fort, which was right behind the stage. my brother was also at Bonifacio High Street and we fetched him in front of Fully Booked--right when the concert started and i heard Alapaap over the airwaves.

Gusto mo bang sumama?

hearing that line, i couldn't help thinking, "Oo!" pero hanggang dito lang ako. LSS ng mga kanta nila tuloy ang inabot ko.


(sudden realization: i missed 2 reunion concerts of the 2 bands i like the most this year. sheesh.)

i don't really know how to start off this post in a creative way so i'll just go straight to the point. i was rushed to the ER last july 23 because of extreme abdominal pains. the doctors couldn't figure out what was wrong with me, so i was examined in the delivery room, ultrasound and eventually went to CT scan. on july 25 after my scan results came out, the doctors decided that i should undergo surgery because of a bloated appendix and "fluid" that already reached my lungs. so there, i went under the knife around 5pm. i left the hospital on july 31. except for the fact that i still have to clean my wound, i'm relatively okay now.

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being hospitalized and [still] being on house arrest just makes you think about a lot of things. for one, i'm really thankful. i'm thankful most of all for my family. my parents, especially my mother, have been so strong despite all the challenges that came up in our lived recently. and because my mom could not be with me at all times, tita lydia and ate vilma stayed with me in the hospital. i'm thankful for my friends, especially those who visited me. i also received a surprise visit from jeff, whom i haven't seen in a long time. i'm thankful for the nice people in the hospital: my nurse (she's also 22 years old and very pretty) and the lady who washed my hair and scrubbed my back (i wanted to cry tears of joy--i haven't taken a bath in about 5 days at the time).

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i'm actually surprised that i'm [trying to be] optimistic about things when there's the huge temptation/ rationale not to be. i guess you just realize what really matters. i also started praying the rosary before going to sleep.

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i did some research and i want to cry (again). i wish i could do something about it, but there really is none.

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my doctor said that "every person is entitled to a huge mistake once in their lives."

i guess mine's done.

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i miss having a life.

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and this song's been stuck in my head for the longest time:

"That's What You Get" by Paramore

No, sir
Well, I don't wanna be the blame, not anymore
It's your turn, so take a seat
We're settling the final score

And why do we like to hurt so much?
I can't decide
You have made it harder just to go on
And why, all the possibilities
Well, I was wrong

That's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa
That's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa
I drowned out all my sense with the sound of its beating
And that's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa

I wonder how am I supposed to feel when you're not here
Cause I burned every bridge I ever built when you were here
I still try holding onto silly things
I never learn
Oh why, all the possibilites
I'm sure you've heard

That's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa
That's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa
I drowned out all my sense with the sound of its beating (beating)
And that's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa

Pain, make your way to me, to me
And I'll always be just so inviting
If I ever start to think straight
This heart will start a riot in me
Let's start, start, hey!

Why do we like to hurt so much?
Oh, why do we like to hurt so much?

That's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa
That's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa
That's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa

Now I can't trust myself with anything but this
And that's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa

[updates~my ratings! *****= yipee! *= bleh]

i bought the following yesterday:

• at the drive-in - this station is non-operational****
  
• sneaker pimps - bloodsport**
  
• the blood brothers - young machetes*
• stereophonics - you gotta go there to come back*****
• apples in stereo - sound effects 92-00
• the ataris - welcome the night****
• feeder - the singles***
• dogs die in hot cars - please describe yourself
• prozak - for lovers**
• yourcodenameis:milo - print is dead vol. 1 (undecided on this one. innovative music, but the songs don't seem to fit together.)
  
• thom yorke - the eraser***
• chungking - the hungry years**
  
• i am kloot - gods and monsters***
  
• the new pornographers - twin cinema**

AND!

the Hitchcock collection (Shadow of A Doubt, Saboteur, The Birds and Psycho)

all original copies for only Php1700!!

so there, christian and i (haha congrats to myself--this is the first time i mentioned his name in this blog), being the music freaks that we are, splurged on CD's (thank you CD Fever!). his amounted to Php1500, and he even bought MORE CD's than i have. exagge talaga. we plan on going back next week. and the week after. hehe.

we ate at Pancake House, watched The Incredible Hulk, and hung out in their battered-but-beloved van afterwards. and for the first time, my parents did not badger me on going home early.

i am excitement and happiness rolled into one. :)

i'm in a slump again--a blogging slump, that is. so here i am, taking one thing at a time:

i now want to get into fashion--photography, styling and make-up. (yes, i know that it's so unlike me. hehe.)

being an AE is not for me. i'm just too darn honest, not to mention impatient, pessimistic and unforgiving. i have arrived at the point where i hate having to talk to clients (which, ironically, is my primary job). i used to think that i this job was handed to me because i need it--because i need to learn patience, etc. but now i think it's just here to annoy me (kidding). anyway, you live and learn: this job's just not for me.

therefore, I'M FOR HIRE (again). will do almost anything for money. compensation is negotiable.

i miss a lot of things (again) lately: being with friends, studying something, having the courage to say and do the things that i want to, believing that i made the right decision.

needless to say (but i'm saying it anyway-- damn another cliche), i've been in an emotional fuckfest for some days now and i can't blame it on my period.

i think that i may be losing my touch with movies. hope not.

i finished reading Candide by Voltaire a few days ago. great book. wanted to write about it. hope i can think of something.

i'm broke.

and of course i just had to come across this song:

Test Pattern by The Thermals

I believe, I believe
I could see, I could see
forever in my hand

but I believe, I believe
I could leave and if you notice
then you would understand

and so I feel alone
wide and low
I feel you suffering sad

cause I believe, I believe
I could see, I could see
forever in my hand

so you can call this a test pattern
so you don't have to commit
so you could change any day

I believe, I believe
you could see, you could see
me forever by his side

and I believe, I believe
if you leave, if you leave
I will cry, I will cry, I will cry
why do I feel so crazy now
why am I losing my mind

cause I believe, I believe
you could see me forever by his side

still you can call this a test pattern
so you don't have to commit
so you can change any day

Die Alone by Ingrid Michaelson

I woke up this morning with a funny taste in my head.
Spackled some butter over my whole grain bread.
Something tastes different, maybe it's my tongue.
Something tastes different, suddenly I'm not so young.

I'm just a stranger, even to myself.
A re-arranger of the proverbial bookshelf.
Don't be a fool girl, tell him you love him.
Don't be a fool girl, you're not above him.

I never thought I could love anyone but myself.
now I know I can't love anyone but you.
You make me think that maybe I won't die alone.
Maybe I won't die alone.

Kiss the boys as they walk by, call me their baby.
But little do they know, I'm just a maybe.
Maybe my baby will be the one to leave me sore.
Maybe my baby will settle the score.

I never thought I could love anyone but myself.
now I know I can't love anyone buy you.
but you make me think that maybe I won't die alone.
Maybe I won't die alone.

What have I become?
Something soft and really quite dumb.
Because I've fallen, oh, 'cause I've fall- fallen, oh 'cause I've fall-fall-fallen
So far away from the place where I started from.

I never thought I could love anyone.
I never thought I could love anyone.
I never thought I could love anyone.
But you....
But you....
But you....
But you....
But you.... but you... make me think that maybe I won't
die alone.
Maybe I won't die alone.

it's funny how he wonders how i can like him when in truth, i can't understand how he can put up with me, much less love me at all. it's a miracle, actually.

pasensya sa makakabasa nito--humanda ka sa keso at sa kalabuan ng isip ko.

dito na lang ako sa alam kong totoo, sa sigurado.

totoong nagpapasalamat ako na nakilala ko siya.

siguradong gusto ko siya at napatunayan ko sa sarili na mas gusto ko pa siya ngayon. siguradong napapasaya niya ako at kaya kong maging Ako sa kanya. siguradong gusto pa naming patagalin kung ano man itong meron sa amin.

pero sabi na nga bang mas bagay ito kesa sa Migraine:

Taning by Imago

Sa'n mapupulot ang pag-asa
may katuwiran ba ang sala
ngiti ko ang iyong galak
langit ko ang iyong kandungan

Permiso sa isang araw na makasama ka
abiso ng pusong bulag na humahanga

Chorus:
Tama bang aminin na nating may taning
tong pag-ibig natin
dakila man walang kasaysayang kakapit
sa bulag na pag-ibig

Sa'n hihingi ng patawad
kung walang dalang dahilan
tangis ko ang iyong pagluha
nais ko ang iyong kalayaan

Permiso sa isang araw na makasama ka
abiso ng pusong bulag na humahanga

Chorus:
Tama bang aminin na nating may taning
tong pag-ibig natin
dakila man walang kasaysayang kakapit
sa bulag na pag-ibig

Tama bang aminin na nating may taning
tong pag-ibig natin
dakila man walang kasaysayang kakapit
sa bulag na pag-ibig

Permiso sa isang araw na makasama ka
abiso ng pusong bulag na humahanga

tama bang aminin na nating may taning

i'm off to a good start this year:

"Anyone Else But You" has been stuck in my mind for days now.

You're part time lover and a full time friend,
The monkey on the back is the latest trend,
Don't see what anyone can see,
In anyone else,
But you

Here is a church and here is a steeple,
We sure are cute for two ugly people,
Don't see what anyone can see,
In anyone else,
But you

We both have shiny happy fits of rage,
I want more fans, you want more stage,
Don't see what anyone can see,
In anyone else,
But you

I'm always tryin to keep it real,
Now I'm in love with how you feel,
I don't see what anyone can see,
In anyone else,
But you

I kiss you on the brain in the shadow of the train,
I kiss you all starry eyed,
My body swings from side to side,
I don't see what anyone can see,
In anyone else,
But you

The pebbles forgive me,
The trees forgive me,
So why can't,
You forgive me?
I don't see what anyone can see,
In anyone else,
But you

Du du du du du du dudu
Du du du du du du dudu
I don't see what anyone can see,
In anyone else,
But you.

so cute.

other movies that i'm looking forward to (which are supposedly opening in 2008):

apparently i am affected. passive, dumb, insensitive, selfish girl living in fiction whose self-centeredness exudes in everything she says and does. i have been trying not to think about it, trying to convince myself otherwise, trying hard not to be affected by his words, trying not to look affected, trying not to sound affected, trying not to act affected. i'm not perfect in any way, but am i really THAT bad?

i guess there's some truth to what he says. after all, i am still alone. people that i have loved are nowhere to be found. i feel like a plague, ruining people's lives i come into contact with. but oh well, i guess some people do not deserve to be loved. i guess some people are just meant to be alone.

mom and dad, don't expect grandchildren from me. haha.

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"Still Alone" by Straylight Run (definitely in the soundtrack of my life. i looooove this band!!!!)

Doing like you said, taking deep breaths
Keeping my cool, counting to ten.
On my own again, trying to keep my head clear
Go for walks away from here
But I know, I am

I'm still alone, still alone
Like the day I was born,
Born and brought into this world.
Still alone, still alone
Like the day I was born,
Born and brought into this world.

Hold on to your friends, that's what he said.
I guess that his friends are not like mine.
I could write a list of people I don't miss.
I'm sorry, but I'm so much better off without you.

I'm still alone, still alone
Like the day I was born,
Born and brought into this world.
Still alone, still alone
Like the day I was born,
Born and brought into this world.

Hold it all against me, still don't bother.
Hold it all against me, still another complaint.
High maintenance complaint, oh shutup.
Ba da dee da da da da, ba ba da
Ba da dee da da da da, ba ba da da da
Ba ba da da da
Oh, shutup.

Still alone, still alone
Like the day I was born,
Born and brought into this world.
Still alone, still alone
Like the day I was born,
Born and brought into this world.
Still alone, still alone
Like the day I was born,
Born and brought
Into this world.

finished reading. can't wait for the movie.

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i finally got some rest. well. not really. i finally had some time to think about Things (not that i don't constantly do so). maybe it's just the season.

i've been thinking about my life. i've had a lot of life-changing moments this year-- i'm not even going to try to recount them all because it gets too... painful. i just hope that next year would be better. i should really learn to

"Let Go" by Frou Frou

Drink up, baby, down
Are you in or are you out?
Leave your things behind
Cause it's all going off without you
Excuse me, too busy
You're writing your tragedy
These mishaps
You bubble wrap
When you've no idea what you're like

So let go, let go
Jump in
Oh well, whatcha waiting for?
It's alright
Cause there's beauty in the breakdown

So let go, let go
Just get in
Oh, it's so amazing here
It's alright
Cause there's beauty in the breakdown

It gains the more it gives
And it rises with the fall
So hand me that remote
Can't you see that all that stuff's a sideshow?
Such boundless pleasure
We've no time for later now
You can't await your own arrival
You have twenty seconds to comply

So let go, let go
Jump in
Oh well, whatcha waiting for?
It's alright
Cause there's beauty in the breakdown

So let go, let go
Just get in
Oh, it's so amazing here
It's alright
Cause there's beauty in the breakdown

i've been on the border for some time, and now, this post confirms that i finally accept what i have been denying for the past few weeks. yes, emo is back, and with a vengeance.

i am an emo kid at heart, apparently. no sense in denying and escaping that. there is always this emptiness that i cannot seem to shake off no matter how hard i try. i am so sick of This, and contrary to what people may think, i am constantly thinking of and trying ways to Get A Move On. but even optimism and proactivity has lost their magic. they work for a while, but after some weeks or months, i sink again. i am shooting away blindly once more. i know there's a light at the end of the tunnel, but like a horror movie, it just seems to get farther and farther away from me.

anyway, it really does not matter. i'll be out of this after a while-- i just don't know when exactly.

"Nothing" by Scott Fisher

My inspiration has gone dry
I have not even a reply for your words
I watch the cars as they pass by
Do you see indifference in my eyes
They reveal me

I want to love but there’s no one
I want to play outside but there’s no sun

I watch the rain as it pours on
I try in vain to write a song, but there’s nothing
I shut my eyes to pass the time
I hear the church bell ring out twice
And still nothing

I want to love but there’s no one
I want to play outside but there’s no sun

And I look into the sky and I see nothing
And I reach into my heart and I feel nothing
And my lovely muse has gone and turned to nothing
And nothing is what I feel today

I want to love but there’s no one
I want to play outside but there’s no sun

play in this order:

corinne bailey rae - trouble sleeping
rilo kiley - portions for foxes
maximo park - shiver (natalie imbruglia cover)
silverchair - the greatest view
taking back sunday - make damn sure
we are scientists - it's a hit
the white stripes - take me out
sophie ellis bextor - catch you
spiller - groovejet (if this ain't love)
arctic monkeys - leave before the lights come on
snow patrol - never gonna fall in love again


being stupid on purpose. mahirap ito.

waaah i got my package from cafepress yesterday!! my first online purchase. hehe. i ordered my stuff from deviantart and cafepress just to see how the prints would look like. if they turn out good, then i'll probably promote my online stores. so far, the magnet i got from cafepress looks okay. from the pics i have, it seems as if i'm doing a store for travel souvenirs. then again, the only travel pics i have are from leyte and australia. haha. gotta do more traveling, store or no store.

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LSS again. this time it's Helicopter by Flickerstick.

oh i've got to think it over
running on eggshells watching your demons bleed
i said
oh i've got to think it over
running on eggshells watching your demons bleed
i said
ive got to do something about where we're going
watching your demons bleed
i said
i've got to do something about where we're going
watching your demons

cause you're so close to giving up
I can tell enough's enough
Oh I see in your eyes
maybe you were wrong
maybe you weren't strong enough
so here's a little tune
sing it to the blue

oh i've got to think it over
get on the dance floor you're coming over to me
oh i've got to think it over
get on the dance floor you're coming over to me
i've got to do something about where your going
your coming over too late
i've got to do something about where your going
your coming over too late

cause you're so close to giving up
I can tell enough's enough
Oh I see in your eyes
maybe you were wrong
maybe you weren't strong enough
so here's a little tune
sing it to the blue

call off the nurses and the doctors
tell the priest in the helicopter
waiting there for you
there's nothing he can do

oh i've got to think it over
running on eggshells watching your demons bleed
i said
oh i've got to think it over
get on the dance floor your coming over

cause you're so close to giving up
I can tell enough's enough
Oh I see in your eyes
maybe you were wrong
maybe you weren't strong enough

cause you're so close to giving up
I can tell enough's enough
Oh I see in your eyes
maybe you were wrong
maybe you weren't strong enough

cause you're so close to giving up
I can tell enough's enough
Oh I see in your eyes
maybe you were wrong
maybe you weren't strong enough
so here's a little tune
sing it to the blue

won't you get a clue?
won't you get a clue?

reason #2394

stupid boy 1: taena...may mga orders sakin na bowling bag...eto ang catch, dumating na yung supplier dito sa manila...la ako 3,5k!!!
stupid boy 1: please?il leave my wedding ring with you para colateral
me: are you serious na iiwan mo ang wedding ring mo??? di kita pauutangin dahil lang jan no
stupid boy 1: oo! seryoso ako! im going to lose customers ehh...

lose customers? how about losing your wife?! dumbass.


reason #3219

stupid boy 2: tpos pag nabuntis ka
stupid boy 2: wag mo ko habulin a

classic. asshole.

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Ciara - Like A Boy

I’m the type of girl that’ll look you dead in the eye, eye
I’m real as it comes if you don’t know why I’m fly

snow patrol has been having a concert in my head for 3 weeks now. what's annoying is that it's only one song. bet you can't guess which one.

i'm tired of games. it's entertaining at first, but it gets boring, and eventually pointless.

Tender is my heart you know
I'm screwing up my life
Oh Lord I need to find
Someone who can heal my mind

A Little Help From My Friends by The Beatles

What would you think if I sang out of tune,
Would you stand up and walk out on me.
Lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song,
And I'll try not to sing out of key.

I get by with a little help from my friends,
I get high with a little help from my friends,
Going to try with a little help from my friends.

What do I do when my love is away.(Does it worry you to be alone)
How do I feel by the end of the day(Are you sad because you're on your own)
No I get by with a little help from my friends,

Do you need anybody, I need somebody to love.
Could it be anybody?
I want somebody to love.
Would you believe in a love at first sight,
Yes I'm certain that it happens all the time.
What do you see when you turn out the light,
I can't tell you, but I know it's mine.

Oh I get by with a little help from my friends,
Do you need anybody,I just need somebody to love,
Could it be anybody,
I want somebody to love.I get by with a little help from my friends,
Yes I get by with a little help from my friends,
With a little help from my friends.

exactly. ang galing. medyo nagtampo ako kay kuya Jess kasi hindi niya binigay yung matagal at matindi kong pinagdarasal. sa totoo lang, yung kabaliktaran ng idinasal ko yung nangyari. pero pagkatapos ng ilang araw, nakita kong hindi nga niya binigay sa akin yung hinihingi ko-- ang ibinigay niya sa akin ay higit pa pala doon. nawala nga ang pagmamahal ng isa, pero naipamalas naman sa akin ang pagmamahal ng madami.

A decade ago, I never thought I would be,
at twenty three, on the verge of spontaneous combustion.
Woe-is-me.
But I guess that it comes with the territory;
an ominous landscape of never ending calamity.
I need you to hear, I need you to see that I have had all I can take and
exploding seems like a definite possibility to me.
So pardon me while I burst into flames.
I've had enough of the world and it's people's mindless games.
So pardon me while I burn and rise above the flame.
Pardon me, pardon me....I'll never be the same.
Not two days ago, I was having a look in a book
and I saw a picture of a guy fried up above his knees.
I said, "I can relate," cause' lately I've been thinking of combustication
as a welcomed vacation from the burdens of the planet earth.
Like gravity, hypocrisy, and the perils of being in 3-D...
and thinking so much differently.
So pardon me while I burst into flames.
I've had enough of the world and it's people's mindless games.
So pardon me while I burn and rise above the flame.
Pardon me, pardon me....I'll never be the same.

- Incubus, Pardon Me

i now understand why he has been like the way he was. now, i feel bad because i realize that i didn't make things any easier for him; i actually made him feel worse. i was so engrossed with my own activities and so-called priorities that i didn't even think about what he must have been feeling at that time. he was in a difficult stage in his life, with problems here and there regarding his family, financials, education, friends, and work. it's hard not to have anybody to turn to when you want to express yourself, to find someone who will not judge you, to have someone that will just listen. come to think of it, he should have been one of my priorities.

i was supposedly the one he could turn to. but what could i do? i had more important things to attend to-- my family, friends, and school-- were all more important than him. and i rubbed it in his face that he was actually last in that list. what was ironic was that i was the most important thing in his life. in fact, i was the only one he had and could supposedly count on. i was supposedly the one person he could show he true colors to and not be ashamed.

if someone were to ask me if, given that i have the chance and the power, i would make things right between us, i would probably say yes. as my dad would say, "it's not a matter of compatibility; it's how you work things out." but of course things are different. and if i stay true to my dad's words, i could probably make any relationship with whomever work. it would not be easy, but it would be possible.

but i'm not regretting anything. both of us are living different lives now, and i'm genuinely happy for him (and a little jealous-- hehe). it's just sad to feel so lonely, despite the fact that you are actually not alone.

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just to lighten things up: a feel-good song. :)

Lil Star by Kelis

There is nothin’ special about me
I am just a lil star
If it seems like I’m shining, it’s probably
A reflection of something you already are
I forget about myself sometime when there’s so many others around
But deep inside, it feels the darkest and that is where I can always be found
That is where I can always be found - That is where I can always be found

Just keep tryin’ and tryin’
It’s just a matter of time and
Though they grindin’, it’s tirin’
Don’t let it stop you from smilin’

Just keep tryin’ and tryin’
Sooner or later, you’ll find it
And it’s surprisin’ how inspirin’ it is to see you shinin’
‘Cause in the dark of night, you’re all I can see
And you sure look like a star to me

There is nothin’ special about me
I am just a lil star
If you try to reach out and touch me
You’ll see that I’m not really that far
I may not be the brightest nor am I the last one you’ll see
But as long as you notice, that’s just fine with me
Everything’s just fine with me - everything’s just fine with me

Just keep tryin’ and tryin’
It’s just a matter of time and
Though they grindin’, it’s tirin’
Don’t let it stop you from smilin’

Just keep tryin’ and tryin’
Sooner or later, you’ll find it
And it’s surprisin’ how inspirin’ it is to see you shinin’
‘Cause in the dark of night, you’re all I can see
And you sure look like a star to me

There is nothin’ special about me
I am just a lil star
I been runnin’ and jumpin’ but barely gettin’, gettin’ over the bar
I plan on being much more than I am but that’s in due time
But until then, I’m guilty and being human’s my crime
Just being human, that is my crime
Being human, that is my crime

Just keep tryin’ and tryin’
It’s just a matter of time and
Though they grindin’, it’s tirin’
Don’t let it stop you from smilin’

Just keep tryin’ and tryin’
Sooner or later, you’ll find it
And it’s surprisin’ how inspirin’ it is to see you shinin’
‘Cause in the dark of night, you’re all I can see
And you sure look like a star to me