lisaisms

no, this is not a post on reminiscing school, (the title's the first line of our grad song in high school), nor is this a post on my so-called lovelife. for some reason, i looked at some of my posts the past year, and i find it... unexpected.

for one, i did not expect to become teary-eyed when i read the post right after my breakup with aeo. it seems so far away now and i am definitely not thinking of what-if's. i also do not want to "re-live" the experience/ feeling. it's just sad. it's like i'm reading another person's blog or reading from a novel about the heartaches of a breakup. and after everything that happened, it's now part of my personal history. i guess that just proves that every story counts--it's a story no matter how long or short. (yes, ripped that idea from SATC).

i also did not expect to realize how much i've matured. a lot has happened since i entered my 20's (akala mo naman kung gaano na ako katanda), and i guess dapat lang nag mature na ako kahit kaunti. nakakatakot naman kung hindi!

and i absolutely did not expect it to be addicting. i'm apparently very self-centered. i'm actually amazed and amused at myself. haha!

so ayun, kunyari walang ginagawa. haha

i'm in a slump again--a blogging slump, that is. so here i am, taking one thing at a time:

i now want to get into fashion--photography, styling and make-up. (yes, i know that it's so unlike me. hehe.)

being an AE is not for me. i'm just too darn honest, not to mention impatient, pessimistic and unforgiving. i have arrived at the point where i hate having to talk to clients (which, ironically, is my primary job). i used to think that i this job was handed to me because i need it--because i need to learn patience, etc. but now i think it's just here to annoy me (kidding). anyway, you live and learn: this job's just not for me.

therefore, I'M FOR HIRE (again). will do almost anything for money. compensation is negotiable.

i miss a lot of things (again) lately: being with friends, studying something, having the courage to say and do the things that i want to, believing that i made the right decision.

needless to say (but i'm saying it anyway-- damn another cliche), i've been in an emotional fuckfest for some days now and i can't blame it on my period.

i think that i may be losing my touch with movies. hope not.

i finished reading Candide by Voltaire a few days ago. great book. wanted to write about it. hope i can think of something.

i'm broke.

and of course i just had to come across this song:

Test Pattern by The Thermals

I believe, I believe
I could see, I could see
forever in my hand

but I believe, I believe
I could leave and if you notice
then you would understand

and so I feel alone
wide and low
I feel you suffering sad

cause I believe, I believe
I could see, I could see
forever in my hand

so you can call this a test pattern
so you don't have to commit
so you could change any day

I believe, I believe
you could see, you could see
me forever by his side

and I believe, I believe
if you leave, if you leave
I will cry, I will cry, I will cry
why do I feel so crazy now
why am I losing my mind

cause I believe, I believe
you could see me forever by his side

still you can call this a test pattern
so you don't have to commit
so you can change any day

a bit early, but what the heck. this is the same thing i answered last year. let's see if anything improved.

What did you do in 2007 that you'd never done before?
2006: WORK.
2007: resign, get a second job, something R-18, see christina aguilera and neil gaiman, island-hopping, and lots of other stuff

Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
2006: i didn't keep ANY of my new year's resolutions, but then again, i'll probably make more for next year.
2007: looking back, i apparently kept most of my resolutions for the year, which is good, since this is the first time i've ever kept any. i will probably make more for 2008.

Did anyone close to you give birth?
2006: ate ella gave birth to agnes coelli (i think that's the spelling) two months ago
2007: my high school classmate, kaye

Did anyone close to you die?
2006: nope
2007: nope

What countries did you visit?
2006: um.. none?
2007: australia!!!

What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007?
2006: passion for work and commitment to relationships
2007: COMMITMENT.

What date from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
2006: hmm, tough question. i would say nov25. :)
2007: apparently i don't even remember what happened on nov. 25, 2006. and sadly, i don't have any memorable date this year.

What was your biggest achievement of the year?
2006: getting a job.
2007: i think it would be getting 2nd place in that photography thing.

What was your biggest failure?
2006: getting a job.
2007: same answer as above plus relationships. haha.

Did you suffer illness or injury?
2006: yep! being the clumsy person that i am, i had a lot of bruises. i also got hospitalized for dehydration. and i also lost my voice. haha.
2007: again, bruises. and UTI.

What was the best thing you bought?
2006: i haven't really paid for it yet, but it's malcolm. :)
2007: aside from winston (very useful), it has to be all the cute clothes i bought this year.

Whose behavior merited celebration?
2006: mine!
2007: i'm very proud of my friends this year. you know who you are :)

Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
2006: mine!
2007: mine, my exes', senior, stupid clients

Where did most of your money go?
2006: oh crap i can't/don't want to remember.
2007: on my starbucks planner and on stuff i bought on impulse

What did you get really, really, really excited about?
2006: malcolm!
2007: i guess i got excited about australia. and resigning. and being with senior (as if). but nothing made me "really, really, really excited"

What song(s) will always remind you of 2007?
2006: will get back to this.
2007: they're not really released this year, but anyway... Save Me by Aimee Mann, The Ghost of A Good Thing by Dashboard Confessional, I Don't Love You by My Chemical Romance, Umbrella by Rihanna (hehe), and a lot more

Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? -- 2006: can't really tell. 2007: sadder.
ii. thinner or fatter? -- 2006: not necessarily thinner, but i weigh less than last year. 2007: thinner.
iii. richer or poorer? -- 2006: richer!!! 2007: richer!!!

What do you wish you'd done more?
2006: exercise and be more positive
2007: go out more and exercise

What do you wish you'd done less of?
2006: rant
2007: dwelling

How many one-night stands?
2006: none!
2007: none!

What was your favorite TV program?
2006: don't really watch tv that often.
2007: i'm probably the only one who does not watch any series. but i do like criminal minds, america's next top model and the OC

Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
2006: nope!
2007: fortunately, none.

What was the best book you read?
2006: can't really decide which from the sandman series
2007: tough one. a toss up between Watchmen and Numbers In The Dark

What was your greatest musical discovery?
2006: toss up: scissor sisters, feist, gnarls barkley, lily allen, razorlight, the vincent black shadow and regina spektor
2007: ooh another tough one. 30 seconds to mars, aimee mann, flunk, KT tunstall, margot and the nuclear so & so's, sondre lerche, the raveonettes

What did you want and get?
2006: malcolm!!!! :)
2007: a new job, my driver's license, and other things

What was your favorite film of this year?
2006: the prestige
2007: Lust, Caution

What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
2006: um, some team blue thing. i turned 21. ewwwww.
2007: work. turned 22.

What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
2006: getting a job that i would actually like.
2007: actually stay in a relationship and be satisfied with my job.

How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2006?
2006: i have incorporated yuppie-wear into my wardrobe...and high heels!
2007: free flow.

What kept you sane?
2006: friends, aeo and practicality.
2007: friends

Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
2006: brandon boyd-- i will always "fancy" you!!!
2007: still brandon boyd. and johnny depp. and adam brody. hehe.

What political issue stirred you the most?
2006: what politics?
2007: i'm actually socially and politically aware this year--i listen to the news almost everyday. top choices would be the ZTE thing, erap's release, arrest of the media at manila pen and the glorietta blast.

Who did you miss?
2006: ateneo friends.
2007: a lot of people :(

Who was the best new person you met?
2006: hindi ba obvious??
2007: senior.

Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2006:
2006: your pick: what you want is not necessarily the best for you, money is not everything, and sometimes you just have to suck it up.
2007: "pag sobrang lala na, ibig sabihin patapos na."

What was the nicest thing someone told you about yourself:
2006: that i make that person happy. :)
2007: "you're my savior and you're leaving me" --wala pang tumatalo dito! hahaha

The most touching experience you've had this year?
2006: i quote: "That is too special to share."
2007: unfortunately, i can't think of one.

What did you like most about yourself this year?
2006: my bitchiness.
2007: i'm more pro-active

What did you hate most about yourself this year?
2006: my bitchiness. hehe.
2007: my impatience

Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
2006: let me get back to this.
2007: from Aimee Mann's "Save Me":

You look like
A perfect fit
For a girl in need
Of a tourniquet

But can you, save me
Come on and, save me
If you could, save me
From the ranks of the freaks
Who suspect they could never love anyone

Was 2007 a good year for you?
2006: if by good you mean that i was happy? maybe not. if by good you mean experiencing new things, then yes.
2007: not really.

What was your favorite moment of the year?
2006: again, i'll get back to this.
2007: moments with senior. pathetic, i know.

What was your least favorite moment of the year?
2006: hmm, a lot to chose from...
2007: ugh. the breakup.

Where were you when 2007 began?
2006: in my house
2007: same answer

Who were you with?
2006: my family
2007: always with my family

Where will you be when 2007 ends?
2006: in my house
2007: still in my house

Who will you be with when 2007 ends?
2006: my family
2007: again, family

Do you have a new years resolution for 2008?
2006: to quit smoking, to try more to like what i do, and to be braver in all things.
2007: decide what i want to do with my life and to actually COMMIT.

What was your favorite month of 2007?
2006: december :)
2007: none.

Did you lose anybody close to you in 2007?
2006: fortunately, no
2007: if by lose you mean went away, then yes

Did you miss anybody in the past year?
2006: yes! a lot of friends...
2007: same answer

What was your favorite record from 2007?
2006: Ta-Dah by the Scissor Sisters
2007: oh god i don't know

How many concerts did you see in 2007?
2006: waaah!!! sadly only a few gigs...
2007: elliott yamin and christina aguilera! hahahah

Did you drink a lot of alchohol in 2007?
2006: YEP.
2007: oh hell yeah

Do a lot of drugs in 2007?
2006: well, not exactly a lot.
2007: not a lot.

You do anything you are ashamed of this year?
2006: hahahhahahaaha.
2007: oh where do i begin?

How much money did you spend in 2007?
2006: A LOT.
2007: A LOT MORE

What was your proudest moment of 2007?
2006: graduating!
2007: when i got 2nd place (wala na kasing iba. hahah)

What was your most embarrassing moment of 2007?
2006: again: hahahahahhaahha.
2007: hmm. not much embarassing moments this year. weird.

If you could go back in time to any moment of 2007 and change something, what would it be?
2006: i would've took more time in finding a job and not accept the first thing that was offered to me.
2007: probably not get the job i have now. haha.

What are your plans for 2008?
2006: learn to drive (again), get better at photography
2007: get my ID's, either find a better job or get back to school and get an MA in broadcasting. whichever comes first.

How are you different now that the year has ended?
2006: (i would like to think that) i have become more mature
2007: i'm more pro-active and less idealistic

What are your wishes for the new year?
2006: i wish that i would be happier next year.
2007: i wish to either get a new job or go back to school, a serious relationship, a new laptop and new lens. :)

i realize that i haven't been blogging for a while. been busy with "stuff." therefore, a pathetic rundown of what i have been upto, NOT in chronological order:




of course i saw The Simpsons Movie! who hasn't?





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apparently malas ako sa live games. ateneo lost in the 2 games i watched live. haha. in the game versus UST:

i now understand why he has been like the way he was. now, i feel bad because i realize that i didn't make things any easier for him; i actually made him feel worse. i was so engrossed with my own activities and so-called priorities that i didn't even think about what he must have been feeling at that time. he was in a difficult stage in his life, with problems here and there regarding his family, financials, education, friends, and work. it's hard not to have anybody to turn to when you want to express yourself, to find someone who will not judge you, to have someone that will just listen. come to think of it, he should have been one of my priorities.

i was supposedly the one he could turn to. but what could i do? i had more important things to attend to-- my family, friends, and school-- were all more important than him. and i rubbed it in his face that he was actually last in that list. what was ironic was that i was the most important thing in his life. in fact, i was the only one he had and could supposedly count on. i was supposedly the one person he could show he true colors to and not be ashamed.

if someone were to ask me if, given that i have the chance and the power, i would make things right between us, i would probably say yes. as my dad would say, "it's not a matter of compatibility; it's how you work things out." but of course things are different. and if i stay true to my dad's words, i could probably make any relationship with whomever work. it would not be easy, but it would be possible.

but i'm not regretting anything. both of us are living different lives now, and i'm genuinely happy for him (and a little jealous-- hehe). it's just sad to feel so lonely, despite the fact that you are actually not alone.

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just to lighten things up: a feel-good song. :)

Lil Star by Kelis

There is nothin’ special about me
I am just a lil star
If it seems like I’m shining, it’s probably
A reflection of something you already are
I forget about myself sometime when there’s so many others around
But deep inside, it feels the darkest and that is where I can always be found
That is where I can always be found - That is where I can always be found

Just keep tryin’ and tryin’
It’s just a matter of time and
Though they grindin’, it’s tirin’
Don’t let it stop you from smilin’

Just keep tryin’ and tryin’
Sooner or later, you’ll find it
And it’s surprisin’ how inspirin’ it is to see you shinin’
‘Cause in the dark of night, you’re all I can see
And you sure look like a star to me

There is nothin’ special about me
I am just a lil star
If you try to reach out and touch me
You’ll see that I’m not really that far
I may not be the brightest nor am I the last one you’ll see
But as long as you notice, that’s just fine with me
Everything’s just fine with me - everything’s just fine with me

Just keep tryin’ and tryin’
It’s just a matter of time and
Though they grindin’, it’s tirin’
Don’t let it stop you from smilin’

Just keep tryin’ and tryin’
Sooner or later, you’ll find it
And it’s surprisin’ how inspirin’ it is to see you shinin’
‘Cause in the dark of night, you’re all I can see
And you sure look like a star to me

There is nothin’ special about me
I am just a lil star
I been runnin’ and jumpin’ but barely gettin’, gettin’ over the bar
I plan on being much more than I am but that’s in due time
But until then, I’m guilty and being human’s my crime
Just being human, that is my crime
Being human, that is my crime

Just keep tryin’ and tryin’
It’s just a matter of time and
Though they grindin’, it’s tirin’
Don’t let it stop you from smilin’

Just keep tryin’ and tryin’
Sooner or later, you’ll find it
And it’s surprisin’ how inspirin’ it is to see you shinin’
‘Cause in the dark of night, you’re all I can see
And you sure look like a star to me

it was a peaceful and uneventful sunday evening until..

yep, that's actually fire a-blazing, as seen from my bedroom window.

apparently, the house diagonal to ours caught fire. one minute i was tinkering with my laptop and texting mary; the next minute we were packing up our clothes and valuables (which is funny, because i packed more techie stuff-- my cameras, laptops, cellphones and chargers-- than clothes). we put all our stuff into the cars and parked the cars away from the house. and we all went outside.. like the rest of the village.


and yeah, it's good that someone called the fire department at once. i think there were four trucks who went to the scene-- and yes, one was from binondo one was from muntinlupa.


according to my dad, someone was charging his/her cellphone and then poof! fire. we were very lucky that the wind was blowing the other direction. if not, we would probably be homeless right now, i wouldn't be blogging, and i would probably regret not getting more clothes. but anyway, the fire was put out quickly and nobody was hurt.

the thing is, i find the whole thing.. amusing. it's surreal. everything went by so fast, there were so many people, firetrucks, etcetera. and now i'm blogging about it. weird.

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sometimes i remember stuff.

like my conversation with benjo on priorities. tsk tsk.

I know “sorry” doesn’t make it okay. I know “sorry” is not enough. I know that I’ve said “sorry” countless times already. And I know that sometimes, “sorry” makes it only worse.

Why is it that at the moment you want to do the right thing, the wrong things you’ve done come to haunt you?

This is what I was afraid of from the start. I knew this was going to happen. I was hoping for the best, and yet I was expecting the worst –- if that even makes any sense.

Lack of judgment. Lack of courage. Failure of the mind to catch up with the heart.

And to reiterate what I’ve said before:

Thursday, January 11, 2007

nakakainis kapag palagi kang mali. ok lang sana kung nagkakamali paminsan-minsan, pero kung palagi na lang mali ang nagagawa mo, mali ang lumalabas sa bibig mo, mali ang naiisip mo.. aba, nakakabwisit. nakakapagod. nakakapanliit. hindi ko na nga alam ang pakiramdam na maging tama. oo, natututo tayo sa ating mga pagkakamali. pero sana hindi ganito kadalas. sana hindi ganito kasakit. ayoko na. gusto ko nang sumuko. sawang-sawa na ako sa pagiging mali. sawang-sawa na ako sa sarili ko. kung pwede lang na gumising ako isang araw na hindi ako, kung pwede na lang maglaho....................... hay, ang maglaho.

Sunday, November 19, 2006

addicted to melancholy

random thought: maybe some people are really destined to be alone.

wala kang mapapala sa akin.

JANUARY
-- started this blog on the 17th. apparently, i still wasn't "over" 3 months after the breakup. haha.
-- i actually said, "i can't wait to graduate." how i wish that i'm still studying.
-- jan 22 milestone: i saw Mick Foley!!!!
-- the beginning of my football/photography life :)

FEBRUARY
-- more football.
-- wrote the job description thingie. hehe. silly me.
-- apparently, i still wasn't over after 4 months.
-- feb 21: "hay nako, pag ako talaga nagkatrabaho, pag-iipunan ko talaga ang magandang camera." DONE.
-- WWE raw live in manila!!!
-- it's a small world after all: found out that oj and pril are childhood friends.

MARCH
-- the last week of school :(
-- the beginning of THE DREADED YET INEVITABLE
-- nabawasan ang katorpehan sa mundo.
-- and of course, graduation.

APRIL
-- april 7 post: hindi ko na ito matandaan. hehe.
-- april 13:
addicted to the Sandman Series. GOT ALL.
"wishlist: * a new cellphone * a new laptop * a JOB * a boy." GOT ALL FOUR.
-- apparently i can't say "no" to him.

MAY
-- two words to describe this month: BORED and JOBLESS.

JUNE
-- june 7: the interview that changed my life. "i hate this maturity thing because i suck at it." AND I STILL DO.
-- can now say that i'm over. finally.
-- realized that i took the wrong course. haha.
-- my first encounter with an ob-gyne.

JULY
-- THE BEGINNING.
-- predicted that France will win the World Cup. haha. couldn't be more wrong.
-- july 8: the only time after graduation we roommates ever got together.
-- start of the UAAP basketball season! and yes, i watched and will still watch in the future.
-- july 17: watched a game with eboy and coloy. eboy would be leaving for LA the next day.
-- july 24: the one with the latin quotes.
-- .. and then i thought things would be better.

AUGUST
-- aug 27: to someone i really care about.
-- getting needier and needier.
-- "i really miss being in a relationship." NOT ANYMORE.
-- aug 28: got confined (for the third time!) due to acute gastritis and dehydration.

SEPTEMBER
-- sept 15: the "you-know-you're-getting-old-when.." post. haha. this list is supposedly getting longer.
-- more missing
-- more UAAP basketball
-- and yes, the day i turned 21.

OCTOBER
-- dreams, UAAP, and the ex.. not much happened this month.
-- and of course, there's october 30. good day, good day.

NOVEMBER
-- reunited with one of my loves: painting. :)
-- lost my voice
-- reunited with football!
-- nov 25: entered a relationship. :)

DECEMBER
-- getting more and more frustrated with you-know-what
-- dec 21: MALCOLM

and this is my year according to this blog. it has been one hell of an emotional roller-coaster ride, but surprisingly, the year doesn't seem that bad at all. more room for improvement. haha.

til next year.

What did you do in 2006 that you'd never done before?
WORK.

Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
i didn't keep ANY of my new year's resolutions, but then again, i'll probably make more for next year.

Did anyone close to you give birth?
ate ella gave birth to agnes coelli (i think that's the spelling) two months ago

Did anyone close to you die?
nope

What countries did you visit?
um.. none?

What would you like to have in 2007 that you lacked in 2006?
passion for work and commitment to relationships

What date from 2006 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
hmm, tough question. i would say nov25. :)

What was your biggest achievement of the year?
getting a job.

What was your biggest failure?
getting a job.

Did you suffer illness or injury?
yep! being the clumsy person that i am, i had a lot of bruises. i also got hospitalized for dehydration. and i also lost my voice. haha.

What was the best thing you bought?
i haven't really paid for it yet, but it's malcolm. :)

Whose behavior merited celebration?
mine!

Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
mine!

Where did most of your money go?
oh crap i can't/don't want to remember.

What did you get really, really, really excited about?
malcolm!

What song(s) will always remind you of 2006?
will get back to this.

Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? -- can't really tell.
ii. thinner or fatter? -- not necessarily thinner, but i weigh less than last year
iii. richer or poorer? -- richer!!!

What do you wish you'd done more?
exercise and be more positive

What do you wish you'd done less of?
rant

How many one-night stands?
none!

What was your favorite TV program?
don't really watch tv that often.

Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
nope!

What was the best book you read?
can't really decide which from the sandman series

What was your greatest musical discovery?
toss up: scissor sisters, feist, gnarls barkley, lily allen, razorlight, the vincent black shadow and regina spektor

What did you want and get?
malcolm!!!! :)

What was your favorite film of this year?
the prestige

What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
um, some team blue thing. i turned 21. ewwwww.

What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
getting a job that i would actually like.

How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2006?
i have incorporated yuppie-wear into my wardrobe...and high heels!

What kept you sane?
friends, aeo and practicality.

Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
brandon boyd-- i will always "fancy" you!!!

What political issue stirred you the most?
what politics?

Who did you miss?
ateneo friends.

Who was the best new person you met?
hindi ba obvious??

Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2006:
your pick: what you want is not necessarily the best for you, money is not everything, and sometimes you just have to suck it up.

What was the nicest thing someone told you about yourself:
that i make that person happy. :)

The most touching experience you've had this year?
i quote: "That is too special to share."

What did you like most about yourself this year?
my bitchiness.

What did you hate most about yourself this year?
my bitchiness. hehe.

Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
let me get back to this.

Was 2006 a good year for you?
if by good you mean that i was happy? maybe not. if by good you mean experiencing new things, then yes.

What was your favorite moment of the year?
again, i'll get back to this.

What was your least favorite moment of the year?
hmm, a lot to chose from...

Where were you when 2006 began?
in my house

Who were you with?
my family

Where will you be when 2006 ends?
in my house

Who will you be with when 2006 ends?
my family

Do you have a new years resolution for 2007?
to quit smoking, to try more to like what i do, and to be braver in all things.

What was your favorite month of 2006?
december :)

Did you lose anybody close to you in 2006?
fortunately, no

Did you miss anybody in the past year?
yes! a lot of friends...

What was your favorite record from 2006?
Ta-Dah by the Scissor Sisters

How many concerts did you see in 2006?
waaah!!! sadly only a few gigs...

Did you drink a lot of alchohol in 2006?
YEP.

Do a lot of drugs in 2006?
well, not exactly a lot.

You do anything you are ashamed of this year?
hahahhahahaaha.

How much money did you spend in 2006?
A LOT.

What was your proudest moment of 2006?
graduating!

What was your most embarrassing moment of 2006?
again: hahahahahhaahha.

If you could go back in time to any moment of 2006 and change something, what would it be?
i would've took more time in finding a job and not accept the first thing that was offered to me.

What are your plans for 2007?
learn to drive (again), get better at photography

How are you different now that the year has ended?
(i would like to think that) i have become more mature

What are your wishes for the new year?
i wish that i would be happier next year.

i just read my blog. my whole blog. funny pathetic sad missing whatever. but absolutely NO REGRETS. it's nice to know that i have gone through those experiences and overcame whatever came my way. nakakapagbigay ng pag-asa sa akin ngayon.

and then i came across this post. super laughtrip! i was taking up HR Management during that time. kadiri. hindi na ako ganon. and it's funny, because i recently "reduced" that to a mere list that basically includes my "non-negotiables and preferred" qualities. i'll probably post it when the time is right :)

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i have been recently feeling... different. half the time i'm happy; half the time i'm scared. a different kind of scared. but it's not like i want to get out of it-- it's like i'm being pulled into a whirlpool and there's no way i can resist it. then again, i can't resist it because in the first place, i don't want to resist it. it's nice and it's not nice. most of the time i'm palpitating and i often feel like throwing up.

this is how i felt in one of my dreams. i was flying. i loved it, but when i wanted to get down, i just bounced and went up even higher. it was fun and scary. i remember waking up with my heart beating so fast.

i think it's close to the feeling i got after riding the Enchanted Kingdom's Space Shuttle for the first time.

ngayon lang talaga ito. nakakainis. i just want to get this over with.

(but then again, part of me doesn't.)