i did it. i gave him a blue rose. i finally summed up all my courage and came up to him, but then again, there was potchi. ha!
i can't find the right words to describe the whole experience. surreal. exhausting. exciting. overwhelming. relieving. cute. weird. insane. sane. dorky. bittersweet. unbelievable. i can still see him and his reaction when i handed him the rose. i cried for like 10 minutes after (and to make things even more awkward, he and potchi saw me and my swollen eyes). i don't know why. it went well; he was really nice and cool about it. he even texted me later that night. i never thought that i would react in that way; it's sooo not me. but for some reason, i could not hold back the tears. i'm not expecting anything from him though. i have known and accepted that reality and fact a long time ago.
4 years. that's probably it. and last night was probably the last time that i'll be able to see him. that way, he'll always remember me (i hope) as the girl who gave him a rose, the girl who let him know that she liked him. and for the same reason, i will never forget him. i hope that with what i did, he won't be "torpe" anymore, even if i'm not the one he likes. i hope that he realizes what i've been through, just to let him know. it's hard enough for a guy to tell a girl he likes her-- what more for a girl to tell a guy that she likes him? at least nabawasan na ang katorpehan sa mundo sa ginawa ko. no regrets. masarap nga talaga na nailabas ko na.
thanks to my katips sisters, mary, leio and jerome. dahil sa inyo, nagkaroon ako ng lakas ng loob.
at para sa yo: maraming salamat. salamat dahil hindi mo ko pinagtawanan. salamat dahil hindi mo ako pinahiya. salamat sa pagtanggap. alam kong magtatagumpay ka sa anumang gawin mo. alam kong magiging masaya ka. naiinggit ako sa yo na nakuha mo ang gusto mong trabaho (dahil yun din ang gusto ko). wag ka nang maging torpe. sa kagwapuhan, kabaitan at talino mo, sino ba namang hindi magkakagusto sa yo?! ingat ka lagi.
dicta license was playing.
job haunted
Filed under: life's like that
dad: o, wala ka pa bang mga interviews?
Me: wala.
damn, dapat ba by now meron na akong interviews? akala ko ba magpapahinga muna ako for 2-3 months? craptastic naman o. sorry ha, hindi kasi ako matalino enough para mag-DL, ma-invite pa kaya ng kumpanya? (so THIS is why i'm SUPPOSED to get high grades. crap. better late than never, i always say.)
oj: anong balita sa yo?
Me: haha. eto, graduating. bored. unemployed. walang pera. the usual. :)
oj: and no boy-let? :)
Me: hahaha! wala and mag muna. i'm still getting over and life is complicated enough.
so there goes my conversation with my "bestbud." after 7 years, i'm still feel weird about that term. i mean, who uses the word "bestbud," right? haha. (well, kami.)
my highschool barkada is planning to go to batangas or bora in may. and of course i want to go!!!! shiela asked me if my parents would allow me, but that's not even the question. the concern here is IF I HAVE THE MONEY. haha. having graduated by then, and yes, jobless, i doubt that my parents would "subsidize" my expenses for that trip. i don't even have money for our cebu trip (thank god for funds!). hell, i'm already below the maintaining balance, and only have P1000 to spend from now til the end of the cebu trip. great, i know. it's just i hate asking for money from my parents. they already spent so much for me, and i do not want to ask them for something "unnecessary." i told them the cebu trip could just be my grad gift (even though i want something else). haayyy.
and if i want money, that means i have to get a job immediately. so much for my 2-3 month break. which brings about another problem: finding a job. i do not want to work in a corporate environment. and if i work somewhere else, let's say, somewhere i like, i do not have the qualifications for that job. haha. i hate business, so i cannot work for a totally business-y type of organization. but i am not qualified to work in production and advertising, whichare my preferred fields, because apparently, i am not equipped with what they are looking for. in addition, looking for a job "in the middle" is soooo difficult, meaning i have to go to their office (because apparently, they do not have online applications)-- then again, i can't drive and i do not have the money to commute. so what am i left with? apply as a barista or *gasp* in a call center. crap.
Me: wala.
damn, dapat ba by now meron na akong interviews? akala ko ba magpapahinga muna ako for 2-3 months? craptastic naman o. sorry ha, hindi kasi ako matalino enough para mag-DL, ma-invite pa kaya ng kumpanya? (so THIS is why i'm SUPPOSED to get high grades. crap. better late than never, i always say.)
oj: anong balita sa yo?
Me: haha. eto, graduating. bored. unemployed. walang pera. the usual. :)
oj: and no boy-let? :)
Me: hahaha! wala and mag muna. i'm still getting over and life is complicated enough.
so there goes my conversation with my "bestbud." after 7 years, i'm still feel weird about that term. i mean, who uses the word "bestbud," right? haha. (well, kami.)
my highschool barkada is planning to go to batangas or bora in may. and of course i want to go!!!! shiela asked me if my parents would allow me, but that's not even the question. the concern here is IF I HAVE THE MONEY. haha. having graduated by then, and yes, jobless, i doubt that my parents would "subsidize" my expenses for that trip. i don't even have money for our cebu trip (thank god for funds!). hell, i'm already below the maintaining balance, and only have P1000 to spend from now til the end of the cebu trip. great, i know. it's just i hate asking for money from my parents. they already spent so much for me, and i do not want to ask them for something "unnecessary." i told them the cebu trip could just be my grad gift (even though i want something else). haayyy.
and if i want money, that means i have to get a job immediately. so much for my 2-3 month break. which brings about another problem: finding a job. i do not want to work in a corporate environment. and if i work somewhere else, let's say, somewhere i like, i do not have the qualifications for that job. haha. i hate business, so i cannot work for a totally business-y type of organization. but i am not qualified to work in production and advertising, whichare my preferred fields, because apparently, i am not equipped with what they are looking for. in addition, looking for a job "in the middle" is soooo difficult, meaning i have to go to their office (because apparently, they do not have online applications)-- then again, i can't drive and i do not have the money to commute. so what am i left with? apply as a barista or *gasp* in a call center. crap.
currently unemployed
Filed under: just rambling
i'm finally done with my finals! let me give a rundown of all that has happened (well maybe not all, considering how forgetful i can be).
monday
school's cancelled due to "political instability." not that my schedule's been affected. but yeah, it sucked.
tuesday
my philo orals. of course i studied-- i read the book, studied the powerpoints, and consulted with my classmate. my orals went well, i think. the catch: i didn't know that there were thesis statements until 5 minutes before my oral exam. haha. that is sooo me. good thing that i picked #3, which was aristotle, and not arendt or rawls, or else i'd probably flunk.
i love philosophy. i'm not good at it, but i think it's the greatest subject to learn. it's bittersweet though, that it was aves, and not fr. que, who administered my test; she gives higher grades, but fr. que is fr. que. and i feel guilty for not being to appreciate him from the start. he is such a brilliant person, and i am glad and proud that i became his student. i also miss my philo classes with mr. strebel, the guy i should thank for my interest in philosophy.
philosophy is one of the things that make me proud to be an atenean. other schools do not place as much emphasis on philo. others may think that it's irrelevant to daily life, but on the contrary, it is what makes up a large chunk of our lives: in our decisions, in the way we relate to people, and in the way we relate to the whole cosmos. ma'am aves last question for me was "why take up philo104?" for me, it's not really about knowing the philosophers and the different principles, for we don't go saying that "kant said this" or "according to aristotle.." when we encounter a moral dilemma, or any problem for that matter. for me, philosophy, and not just philo104, is "given" for us to form a habit out of THINKING (yes, hannah arendt was the last philosopher that we took up, hence my stand. hehe.) sometimes when we're so confused, we do not think anymore, and just go with our feelings or the fastest way to go about it. but going through philosophy here in the ateneo has taught me how to use my reasoning in different situations. (yes, i am aware that this is getting cheesy, so i'll end it.)
i love philo. i will miss it. and i will go on philosophizing for the rest of my life. obvious ba?
wednesday
ajang's birthday. we were all surprised. haha.
ctk defense. three words: it is done. all those sleepless nights, all those worrying, all those rants about our groupmates, well, it's all over and done with. we have fought the war and returned victorious. (dunno why i said that, probably got it from a movie, but well, yeah.)
thursday
ls125 defense and ls135 final presentation. i never thought i would say this, but: thank you ms. galura, you have taught us well.
he texted. i miss him. too bad our phone's broken.
friday
theo orals. to fr. meehan: i'm sorry that i cut a lot of your classes. hehe.
may pabaon pa sa 'kin sa god. hehe.
now probably would be the best time to get sentimental. but nah, i don't really feel like it. maybe tomorrow. or next week. whenever.
monday
school's cancelled due to "political instability." not that my schedule's been affected. but yeah, it sucked.
tuesday
my philo orals. of course i studied-- i read the book, studied the powerpoints, and consulted with my classmate. my orals went well, i think. the catch: i didn't know that there were thesis statements until 5 minutes before my oral exam. haha. that is sooo me. good thing that i picked #3, which was aristotle, and not arendt or rawls, or else i'd probably flunk.
i love philosophy. i'm not good at it, but i think it's the greatest subject to learn. it's bittersweet though, that it was aves, and not fr. que, who administered my test; she gives higher grades, but fr. que is fr. que. and i feel guilty for not being to appreciate him from the start. he is such a brilliant person, and i am glad and proud that i became his student. i also miss my philo classes with mr. strebel, the guy i should thank for my interest in philosophy.
philosophy is one of the things that make me proud to be an atenean. other schools do not place as much emphasis on philo. others may think that it's irrelevant to daily life, but on the contrary, it is what makes up a large chunk of our lives: in our decisions, in the way we relate to people, and in the way we relate to the whole cosmos. ma'am aves last question for me was "why take up philo104?" for me, it's not really about knowing the philosophers and the different principles, for we don't go saying that "kant said this" or "according to aristotle.." when we encounter a moral dilemma, or any problem for that matter. for me, philosophy, and not just philo104, is "given" for us to form a habit out of THINKING (yes, hannah arendt was the last philosopher that we took up, hence my stand. hehe.) sometimes when we're so confused, we do not think anymore, and just go with our feelings or the fastest way to go about it. but going through philosophy here in the ateneo has taught me how to use my reasoning in different situations. (yes, i am aware that this is getting cheesy, so i'll end it.)
i love philo. i will miss it. and i will go on philosophizing for the rest of my life. obvious ba?
wednesday
ajang's birthday. we were all surprised. haha.
ctk defense. three words: it is done. all those sleepless nights, all those worrying, all those rants about our groupmates, well, it's all over and done with. we have fought the war and returned victorious. (dunno why i said that, probably got it from a movie, but well, yeah.)
thursday
ls125 defense and ls135 final presentation. i never thought i would say this, but: thank you ms. galura, you have taught us well.
he texted. i miss him. too bad our phone's broken.
friday
theo orals. to fr. meehan: i'm sorry that i cut a lot of your classes. hehe.
may pabaon pa sa 'kin sa god. hehe.
now probably would be the best time to get sentimental. but nah, i don't really feel like it. maybe tomorrow. or next week. whenever.
