sampung taon na rin ang nakaraan nang una akong naging "ganap na babae." at naiinis pa rin ako hanggang ngayon. alam kong kailangan yon para mapalaganap ang lahi. pero bakit ba hindi na lang ginawa ng diyos ang babae na hindi nagkakaregla? nakakainis. sagabal.
sa sampung taon na yon, hindi naging regular ang pagkakaroon ko. minsan hindi ako nagkakaroon. bukod pa dun, sobrang lakas at mas matagal kaysa normal pag meron ako. nakakainis.
sabi ng gynecologist ko nung sabado, limang araw akong uminom ng Provera. pag hindi pa rin ako nagkaroon sa isang linggo, ibig sabihin ay may mali sa ovaries ko. kung magkaroon ako, uminom na ako ng Diane 35, isang klase ng birth-control pills para mabalanse ang aking hormones. at nagkaroon nga ako kahapon.
pero kamusta naman, nagising ako kanina, 5am, dahil tinagusan ako. malamang nagpalit ako, naglaba (5am.. 5am..) at natulog uli. pagkagising ko ng 9am, ayun, tinagusan nanaman ako. at kamusta naman talaga, pagtayo ko, biglang buhos. talo pa waterfalls. pag nakita ng kung sino man yung kwarto ko kanina, aakalahin niyang may sinaksak dun. may dugo kasi sa kama, sa sahig, sa tsinelas, pati na sa mga binti ko. KAMUSTA NAMAN YUN, DI BA???
buti na lang at ngayon nangyari ito at hindi kahapon. ayan kasi, hiling ako nang hiling noong nakaraang tatlong buwan na magkaroon na ako. yan tuloy, nasobrahan.
bwiset talaga. bwiset.
sa sampung taon na yon, hindi naging regular ang pagkakaroon ko. minsan hindi ako nagkakaroon. bukod pa dun, sobrang lakas at mas matagal kaysa normal pag meron ako. nakakainis.
sabi ng gynecologist ko nung sabado, limang araw akong uminom ng Provera. pag hindi pa rin ako nagkaroon sa isang linggo, ibig sabihin ay may mali sa ovaries ko. kung magkaroon ako, uminom na ako ng Diane 35, isang klase ng birth-control pills para mabalanse ang aking hormones. at nagkaroon nga ako kahapon.
pero kamusta naman, nagising ako kanina, 5am, dahil tinagusan ako. malamang nagpalit ako, naglaba (5am.. 5am..) at natulog uli. pagkagising ko ng 9am, ayun, tinagusan nanaman ako. at kamusta naman talaga, pagtayo ko, biglang buhos. talo pa waterfalls. pag nakita ng kung sino man yung kwarto ko kanina, aakalahin niyang may sinaksak dun. may dugo kasi sa kama, sa sahig, sa tsinelas, pati na sa mga binti ko. KAMUSTA NAMAN YUN, DI BA???
buti na lang at ngayon nangyari ito at hindi kahapon. ayan kasi, hiling ako nang hiling noong nakaraang tatlong buwan na magkaroon na ako. yan tuloy, nasobrahan.
bwiset talaga. bwiset.
busy day
Filed under: life's like that
after being cooped up in the house and complaining that i had nothing do -- i realized that i should be really careful of what i wish for. hah.
i was given the task of submitting my sister's application for to UP, which, i know, sounds really simple and fast. it's supposed to be. leaving the house at 630am, i was supposed to be finished way before lunch. i was supposed to drop off my brother at CSA, submit my sister's application, and then go home. save some money. save some gas. save some time. yeah right. and now what really happened:
at home
i double-checked diane's requirements and found out that she lacks 2 pictures. she has the pictures with her, but then again, she's already in school. and today was supposedly the deadline for submission.
stop 1: SMB
picked up shean. -- check!
stop 2: CSA
dropped marty off. -- check!
stop 3: SSC
got diane's pictures. -- check!
on the road
found out from shean (thanks she!) that i had to pay for the application FIRST at PNB, and then submit the slips with the forms. apparently, my sister does things last minute, incomplete, and does not read her papers.
stop 4: ateneo
got application forms for diane and tracy. waited for the bank to open. -- check!
stop 5: PNB katipunan branch
paid 450 bucks. -- check!
stop 6: UP
lots of people. fell in line. was told that diane's application cannot be accepted because it lacked the name, designation and sample signature of the person who signed in behalf of Sr. Mikee(?), the current principal.
stop 7: SSC again
went to the HS office. Mrs. Fornias-- yes, it's Momf-- signed. (sabi na nga ba, wala talagang maidudulot na maganda yang taong yan.) ate overflowing kare-kare (yum!) at the old canteen. met with pril.
stop 8: EDSA
dropped shean off. -- check!
stop 9: UP again
waited for around an hour for the exam permit. shoved self through a throng of sweaty, sticky, stinky people. -- CHECK!!!!!!!!!
stop 10: Select
went to Mater Salutis dorm, which is newly-painted. saw Bernard "Neng", ate Neng's son! bought iced coffee at Select. (yay!)
stop 11: CSA again
got there in time, but traffic around the school was terrible. picked up marty. -- check!
stop 12: glorietta
dropped off pril. -- check!
stop 13: SSC once more
picked up diane. -- check!
final destination: home. -- CHECK!
i was given the task of submitting my sister's application for to UP, which, i know, sounds really simple and fast. it's supposed to be. leaving the house at 630am, i was supposed to be finished way before lunch. i was supposed to drop off my brother at CSA, submit my sister's application, and then go home. save some money. save some gas. save some time. yeah right. and now what really happened:
at home
i double-checked diane's requirements and found out that she lacks 2 pictures. she has the pictures with her, but then again, she's already in school. and today was supposedly the deadline for submission.
stop 1: SMB
picked up shean. -- check!
stop 2: CSA
dropped marty off. -- check!
stop 3: SSC
got diane's pictures. -- check!
on the road
found out from shean (thanks she!) that i had to pay for the application FIRST at PNB, and then submit the slips with the forms. apparently, my sister does things last minute, incomplete, and does not read her papers.
stop 4: ateneo
got application forms for diane and tracy. waited for the bank to open. -- check!
stop 5: PNB katipunan branch
paid 450 bucks. -- check!
stop 6: UP
lots of people. fell in line. was told that diane's application cannot be accepted because it lacked the name, designation and sample signature of the person who signed in behalf of Sr. Mikee(?), the current principal.
stop 7: SSC again
went to the HS office. Mrs. Fornias-- yes, it's Momf-- signed. (sabi na nga ba, wala talagang maidudulot na maganda yang taong yan.) ate overflowing kare-kare (yum!) at the old canteen. met with pril.
stop 8: EDSA
dropped shean off. -- check!
stop 9: UP again
waited for around an hour for the exam permit. shoved self through a throng of sweaty, sticky, stinky people. -- CHECK!!!!!!!!!
stop 10: Select
went to Mater Salutis dorm, which is newly-painted. saw Bernard "Neng", ate Neng's son! bought iced coffee at Select. (yay!)
stop 11: CSA again
got there in time, but traffic around the school was terrible. picked up marty. -- check!
stop 12: glorietta
dropped off pril. -- check!
stop 13: SSC once more
picked up diane. -- check!
final destination: home. -- CHECK!
after 10 years of irregular menstruation (which i used to think of as normal), i finally went to a gynecologist. to describe the experience in a word: AWKWARD. and if that's not enough, my mom accompanied me.
awkwardness 1
gynecologist: may boyfriend ka ba?
(i said no, and my mom went on to say that she found out that i had a boyfriend after we broke up, and blah blah blah...)
awkwardness 2
gynecologist: ...for virgins, we don't examine through the vagina; hindi pa pwde. we'll examine through the rectum.
(she was staring straight at my face, maybe thinking, "since your mom's here, i'm assuming that you're a virgin." at this point, i was thinking, "holy shit. anal.")
awkwardness 3
(inside the examination room)
nurse: tanggalin mo bra mo, pati na rin panty.
me: (as if i wasn't expecting it) ay, kailangan talaga? nakakahiya naman.
nurse: oo, ganyan talaga eh. (sabay unhook ng bra ko. expert sa bilis!)
awkwardness 4
nurse: higa ka diyan. (pointing to the examination chair thingie. and i had to raise my feet, legs wide open.)
awkwardness 5
gynecologist: are you sexually active? yun yung ibig kong sabihin kanina, kaya lang andiyan si mommy mo..
me: no.
gynecologist: hmm, talaga? tell me the truth.. (sabay ngisi. feeling niya siguro magi-guilty ako.)
awrkwardness 6
gynecologist: *name of nurse*, paki-abot nga ng lubricant. hindi 'to masakit, para ka lang natatae.
in fairness, tama yung duktor. anong sinabi ko? awkward di ba? hahahaha. anyway, i have to take birth control pills to balance my hormones.
now one thing i still don't get: why some people like anal sex.
you felt awkward reading this, didn't you? hehehehe.
awkwardness 1
gynecologist: may boyfriend ka ba?
(i said no, and my mom went on to say that she found out that i had a boyfriend after we broke up, and blah blah blah...)
awkwardness 2
gynecologist: ...for virgins, we don't examine through the vagina; hindi pa pwde. we'll examine through the rectum.
(she was staring straight at my face, maybe thinking, "since your mom's here, i'm assuming that you're a virgin." at this point, i was thinking, "holy shit. anal.")
awkwardness 3
(inside the examination room)
nurse: tanggalin mo bra mo, pati na rin panty.
me: (as if i wasn't expecting it) ay, kailangan talaga? nakakahiya naman.
nurse: oo, ganyan talaga eh. (sabay unhook ng bra ko. expert sa bilis!)
awkwardness 4
nurse: higa ka diyan. (pointing to the examination chair thingie. and i had to raise my feet, legs wide open.)
awkwardness 5
gynecologist: are you sexually active? yun yung ibig kong sabihin kanina, kaya lang andiyan si mommy mo..
me: no.
gynecologist: hmm, talaga? tell me the truth.. (sabay ngisi. feeling niya siguro magi-guilty ako.)
awrkwardness 6
gynecologist: *name of nurse*, paki-abot nga ng lubricant. hindi 'to masakit, para ka lang natatae.
in fairness, tama yung duktor. anong sinabi ko? awkward di ba? hahahaha. anyway, i have to take birth control pills to balance my hormones.
now one thing i still don't get: why some people like anal sex.
you felt awkward reading this, didn't you? hehehehe.
a friend of mine texted me last night if i was still up. although we haven't talked in a while, i knew something was wrong immediately.
and so we talked.
there's no other way to put it, so i'll just say it: his mom is dying. his mom has been diagnosed with cancer some years ago and has been under chemotherapy, but it has become worse this year. both of us have gone through our own respective ups and downs, but it was painful listening to him this time. like me, he is the eldest child and currently in search of a job. with his mom dying, his dad jobless, his sister in her freshman year in a five-year course in DLSU, and his brother still in high school, he has a lot on his shoulders. he has always been responsible, but now, things have become extremely difficult (that probably is an understatement). there was so much pain in his voice, and although he tried to conceal it, i swear he was crying.
this really made me put my life into perspective, and i realized how selfish, ungrateful and petty i am. here i am, stressing about my life, when there are people who suffer more than me. compared to others, i am a wimp. i suck.
and i could not even find the words to make him feel better. i said something cliche like "alam kong lalampasan niyo yan," "hindi yan ibibigay ng diyos kung hindi niyo kaya," "just pray," and "malay mo, magkaroon ng miracle." given that i haven't got a clue on how it is to be in his position and my knack for tactlessness, what else could i say?
----------
finished Salman Rushdie's Midnight's Children today.
"What cannot be cured must be endured."
and so we talked.
there's no other way to put it, so i'll just say it: his mom is dying. his mom has been diagnosed with cancer some years ago and has been under chemotherapy, but it has become worse this year. both of us have gone through our own respective ups and downs, but it was painful listening to him this time. like me, he is the eldest child and currently in search of a job. with his mom dying, his dad jobless, his sister in her freshman year in a five-year course in DLSU, and his brother still in high school, he has a lot on his shoulders. he has always been responsible, but now, things have become extremely difficult (that probably is an understatement). there was so much pain in his voice, and although he tried to conceal it, i swear he was crying.
this really made me put my life into perspective, and i realized how selfish, ungrateful and petty i am. here i am, stressing about my life, when there are people who suffer more than me. compared to others, i am a wimp. i suck.
and i could not even find the words to make him feel better. i said something cliche like "alam kong lalampasan niyo yan," "hindi yan ibibigay ng diyos kung hindi niyo kaya," "just pray," and "malay mo, magkaroon ng miracle." given that i haven't got a clue on how it is to be in his position and my knack for tactlessness, what else could i say?
----------
finished Salman Rushdie's Midnight's Children today.
"What cannot be cured must be endured."
another review
Filed under: lights camera popcorn
watched the remake of The Omen today. i haven't watched the original film fully, but i must say that i was disappointed.first, it wasn't as scary as i expected. i expected Damien to be, hmm... more evil? instead, he's just a stoic little boy (who seems autistic) that didn't even get a lot of "screentime." it's too bad because i think the boy they casted, Seamus Davey-Fitzpatrick, suited the part (he was pretty creepy). i think i was affected more by the score, rather than the scenes in the movie (kudos to whoever created the music).
second, the acting was not that good; it seemed as if they were merely reciting their lines. i was especially disappointed with Julia Stiles. i could blame it on the script (or the original movie itself), but i thought she was not suited for the role. i applaud her though for being brave enough to venture to other roles and movie genres; that only means she's maturing as an actress. Mia Farrow was good though, and i think she, like Damien, should have been given more screentime. she's old, but she still exudes the same creepiness in Rosemary's Baby (hayy.. i miss horror film class and going to school).
lastly, John Moore could've taken advantage of the white-red contrast he had going there to make the cinematography better, in my opinion. there were also unnecessary and unexplained scenes. i don't know if that's because of the original or whatever, but they could've taken advantage of their chance at a remake. the camera movements were good though.
remakes are always terrible. anyway, i like horror movies, so i guess i'll watch it again if it's shown on HBO or something (hah!). but i would not recommend it to non-horror fans (obvious ba?).
i'll probably have trouble brushing my teeth later. hehe.
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after more than 20 years, i finally know what i'm good at -- giving critiques. hehe. which follow that my dream job is to be a movie critic (i know i realized it a little late, since i have been criticizing movies since i began watching films) -- if only i'm qualified! qualified, meaning i have a degree in communications/cinematography/fine arts or something related.
dammit, i was in the wrong course. (and i realize this after graduating.)
talked to him today. surprised? i sure was. but it was a pleasant surprise. i realized that i am really over him. (haha! after sooo many months.) i also realized how much i missed him-- just talking and listening to his crazy stories. (yet, i still wonder "how the heck did i fall for that guy?!") but things are definitely better this time, and i'm happy. i'm glad that we're still friends. i'm glad that he's doing fine. and it seems that wheels have turned.. he has a grip on his life and i don't. haha. i envy him in some way, because he's proud of everything that he does, everything that's in his life, while sadly, on the other hand, i am not. he has a way with people that makes them comfortable around him. he has the ability to make most of everything. he has gone past the phase of doubt, anger and self-destruction. he has moved on with his life. he knows what makes him happy: his car, his dog, and his current addiction, wargames. i don't know if he's just putting up an act for me, but still, i'm both proud and jealous of him for that. i wish i could do the same.
and today on Maury, people were reunited with their first loves. talk about coincidence.
[currently listening to: Lonely Day, Phantom Planet]
and today on Maury, people were reunited with their first loves. talk about coincidence.
[currently listening to: Lonely Day, Phantom Planet]
Filed under: soundtripping
Pussycats Dolls
i'm currently addicted to this. haha. i can't believe i'm going pop.
i'm currently addicted to this. haha. i can't believe i'm going pop.
- Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
- In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
- Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.
- It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.
- Invictus, William Ernest Henley
i just love this poem. Luke (Chad Michael Murray) in One Tree Hill recited the last lines in one episode, and i couldn't get it out of my head since then. :)
i am the master of my fate, and yet..
it's quite ironic (or moronic!), really.
this morning i had an interview in IBM for a sales position. (i was actually a little disappointed that they called, because if i do get a job, i wouldn't audition for PBB anymore. hehe.) i still don't know the result of that though. yeah, i know. sales. the company's great, but the job sucks (for me, anyway). i know i'm not in the position to complain, but sales? c'mon. that's like one of my occupational nightmares. on top of that! the workplace, hence the work itself, is pretty formal.
i'm actually considering working in a call center. except for the work hours, it's not that bad, and i'll have more time for other interests. i don't want to commute at night (my parents wouldn't want that too), so i guess i'll need a car.. and i'll have to learn how to drive.. again.
i know i should do something. out of the night and into the day (or into the frying pan!). but i don't know what. ugh. i hate this maturity thing because i suck at it.
i just love this poem. Luke (Chad Michael Murray) in One Tree Hill recited the last lines in one episode, and i couldn't get it out of my head since then. :)
i am the master of my fate, and yet..
it's quite ironic (or moronic!), really.
this morning i had an interview in IBM for a sales position. (i was actually a little disappointed that they called, because if i do get a job, i wouldn't audition for PBB anymore. hehe.) i still don't know the result of that though. yeah, i know. sales. the company's great, but the job sucks (for me, anyway). i know i'm not in the position to complain, but sales? c'mon. that's like one of my occupational nightmares. on top of that! the workplace, hence the work itself, is pretty formal.
i'm actually considering working in a call center. except for the work hours, it's not that bad, and i'll have more time for other interests. i don't want to commute at night (my parents wouldn't want that too), so i guess i'll need a car.. and i'll have to learn how to drive.. again.
i know i should do something. out of the night and into the day (or into the frying pan!). but i don't know what. ugh. i hate this maturity thing because i suck at it.
this blog is turning into a review site. haha.
watched Failure To Launch yesterday with mary, rahel, pril, gela and shean at eastwood. it was supposed to be a romantic comedy, but it was... sad. Matthew McConaughey and Sarah Jessica Parker were terrible-- as a couple and individually. they had no romantic chemistry whatsoever, and i am tired of seeing them in similar roles. when Paula (Parker's character) first showed up on screen entering the store, i the Sex In The City theme song was playing in my head. it's like you're seeing her in the TV show. her character in the series was not that great, and she's not even that pretty. haha. the basic storyline was ok -- it's something different. but then again, the script and scenes sucked. the animal scenes were over-the-top, illogical and unnecessary. the only saving grace for me was Kit, Paula's bestfriend.
maybe it should be entitled "Failure" instead. hah. i'm not a fan of romantic comedies anyway.
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last night we went to teng's for her despedida. it was great seeing our batchmates and friends again. haayyyy... i really miss living in quezon city.
watched Failure To Launch yesterday with mary, rahel, pril, gela and shean at eastwood. it was supposed to be a romantic comedy, but it was... sad. Matthew McConaughey and Sarah Jessica Parker were terrible-- as a couple and individually. they had no romantic chemistry whatsoever, and i am tired of seeing them in similar roles. when Paula (Parker's character) first showed up on screen entering the store, i the Sex In The City theme song was playing in my head. it's like you're seeing her in the TV show. her character in the series was not that great, and she's not even that pretty. haha. the basic storyline was ok -- it's something different. but then again, the script and scenes sucked. the animal scenes were over-the-top, illogical and unnecessary. the only saving grace for me was Kit, Paula's bestfriend.maybe it should be entitled "Failure" instead. hah. i'm not a fan of romantic comedies anyway.
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last night we went to teng's for her despedida. it was great seeing our batchmates and friends again. haayyyy... i really miss living in quezon city.
