lisaisms

i finally got this template to work!!! :)

still a few bugs to figure out though...

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[warning: mushpit and angstgarden ahead]


i have been thinking about him a lot recently. i hate it. he's on my mind all the freaking time. i think about us: where we are and where we're headed. and it hurts.

i like him A LOT. i like us A LOT. i knew from the start that this isn't going to be easy. i knew that it's probably a bad decision for us to be this way. but what did i do? nothing. did i say anything? no. and after several weeks, i am like other girls. i got attached. but i'm not really surprised.

unfortunately, i feel that i'm alone in this. i may be ready, but he's not. heck, i don't even think that he wants something more than what we have now. then again, i don't blame him; it is me, after all. he probably realizes how difficult it is to be with me. (wow. it's me liking a person who doesn't like me back. what a surprise.)

honestly, my heart aches when i think about him. it really freakin' hurts. it's the crushing feeling all over again. and i feel that if this goes on any longer i'll freakin' BREAK.


whew.

watched Zodiac yesterday with mary. i thought the film would suck, but surprisingly, it didn't-- it's actually one of the better films of the year.

the movie is 158 minutes long. you feel like you're watching it forever, but you don't mind. it's just so interesting! (then again, i do like crime themes, so i may be biased. hehe.)

what makes the film work for me?

• Jake Gyllenhaal as a nerd. he is just too cute. not to mention he reminds me of a certain someone. hehe;
• the musical score. it was the first thing i noticed when the film started;
• Robert Downey Jr. as Paul Avery. it's a small role, but he brought comedy into the picture;
  
• the story. yes, i know that it's based on a book that's based on a case. it's riveting. makes you realize that real life is indeed more interesting than fiction-- after all, fiction is based on real life;
• Mouth's cameo. yes, the Mouth of One Tree Hill; and of course,
  
• the Brutality.
  

at first i was expecting it to be somewhat like The Da Vinci Code, where you witness the characters decipher the code. i'm just glad it's not like that at all. i actually would not want to watch The Da Vinci Code if it's on HBO, but i would not mind seeing Zodiac another time.

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finally bought a portable hard drive. meet winston. 120GB of space for me to stuff all my pictures.




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this is so cool.

in our last conversation, my friend mary said something like, "dreams are the manifestation of our deepest desires," which is also what Sigmund Freud believed in his theories regarding the unconscious. despite our fairly serious conversation, i couldn't help but laugh-- at myself. for a relatively sane person, i really have weird dreams (ask my brother about it). people dream about their desires, aspirations, fears, past experiences, past lives, or anything related to what they have seen or heard. why don't i dream about those? some dream about the future. or why wasn't i born a seer?

i've dreamt of zombies, trains, haunted houses, swords, babies, janitors, sandslides, dinosaur eggs, blackholes, flying, death, motorcycles, sexual harassment, and saving the world. but for some reason, i don't dream, or remember dreaming for that matter, about things i actually like. and i dream in color; my dad says that means something, but i don't know what. sometimes i also dream in third-person POV, but usually in first-person; my dad also says that means someting. lately, my dreams have the theme of saving the world. haha. i don't even know what to do with my own life, much less the rest of mankind.

i love dreaming. it's always a story. an adventure. when i wake up in the middle of a dream, i try to "continue" it, and i usually succeed. even when it's a nightmare.

even before i read the Sandman series by Neil Gaiman, i was already fascinated with dreams. since i was in grade school, i remember dreaming weird things. there was even a time when i was supposedly projecting myself onto the astral plane. i felt that i was totally in my element when i read the Sandman.

i have a lot more to say, but i won't. hehe. i'll just end with a quote from Mr. Gaiman's Preludes & Nocturnes: