lisaisms

i had another weird dream last night.

a girl went up to a guy and they made out. after kissing, the girl had this mischievous smile on her face and they parted ways. the girl met up with another guy who turns out to be her boyfriend. she then said that the previous guy took advantage of her, thinking that her buff boyfriend would beat the guy up. surprise, surprise: her boyfriend beat her up. he beat her and strangled her. what was weird was that when he was strangling her, it was in a first person perspective; it seemed that i was the one being strangled. then it changed to his point view. the girl's face became really scary, sort of like a banshee, with her hair flying all over. and when she screamed, the guy got freaked out and ran.

and i woke up.

Hawak mo na, wala ka pa ring ginagawa.

Nandiyan na sa harapan mo hindi mo pa makita.

Alam mo na ngang hindi, pero pinagpipilitan pa rin na oo.

Everytime I see you falling
I get down on my knees and pray
I'm waiting for that final moment
You'll say the words that I can't say.

serial cut.

go media.

faub.org.

paloma rincon.

it would be great to have studios like these here in the philippines. we already have lots of talented artists. unfortunately, we lack the resources.

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On another story, PGMA pardoned Joseph Estrada. Like others, i am also disappointed with this news. The basic premise of this decision (as far as what we hear in the news goes) is political and social unity. Ever since she became president because of Estrada's ouster, Arroyo has been bombarded with criticism and impeachment attempts not only from Estrada's supporters, but from other parties as well. I can understand the decision on this standpoint-- I suppose it would be better if she could get at least one angry mob off her back.

But from a judicial standpoint, this really does not make any sense. The point of the whole justice system is to punish people who have been proven guilty of committing a crime in order to stop them from doing the same thing again and set an example to other citizens. In basic Psychology, this is to alter one's behavior through operant conditioning. Assuming this is indeed effective, how in the world are we supposed to minimize, if not eradicate, instances of graft and corruption in our country, if our own government does not adhere to these principles? It even goes as far as petty criminal cases, such as those who have been convicted of house robberies-- does this mean that if they ask for "pardon" , they will be set free as well? Or how about if they reason out that his/her mother is dying and they just HAVE to be with her in her last hours? Do we set them free? Our government put to jail someone who has robbed our country of millions of pesos, and after a few years and a plea for presidential pardon, they set that person free. And this person NEVER even said sorry, much less admit his guilt. They might as well liberate every criminal in Bilibid or wherever else in our country who asks for pardon. heck.

A pardon is the forgiveness of a crime and the penalty associated with it.

how does one seek "full, free, and unconditional pardon" when one does not admit that he made a mistake?


i still stand by my government conspiracy theory.

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argh. i hate people who think they know everything. and people who think they're the ones in charge. and people who think that they are actually deserving.

i got 2nd place in our batch's still life photo contest! i know this may seem insignificant to most, but it's the first time i've actually won anything. it's a big deal for me especially because the judges were professionals known in their respective fields of photography. it's just what i needed to boost my confidence.

i was riding an FX back to Tektite when the guy beside me received a call. he said that there was a blast in ayala.

but what's with (a) the police not being sure if it was a bomb, (b) reporters who do not listen, and (c) the business-as-usual treatment? anyone can see that the blast could not have been from an LPG tank. once the question has been answered, you do not have to ask it again the very next second.

reporter: deliberate attack ho ba ang pagsabog? is it a bomb?
police person: as of the moment, hindi pa ho namin nakukuha ang lahat ng ebidensya. hindi pa ho natin masasabi na bomb nga yun.
reporter: nakita niyo ba yung mga parte ng bomba?

being pinoys, we get to joke about everything and tend to take most things lightly.

but it's really different when it hits close to home. thank God nobody i knew was hurt.

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i went back to Megamall and rode an FX to Tektite again. the driver was the grumpiest old man i've ever encountered in my life, cursing at everything and everyone. he got pissed off at the guy sitting beside me. he stopped the vehicle, went down, opened the door on the left of the guy (i was on his right) and threatened him with a rusty itak.

what the hell is wrong with this day?

watched Stardust last friday.

i enjoyed the movie, but it was a bad idea to watch it, considering my "situation." on one hand, i want to glow like Yvaine. on the other hand, i also would love to be like Tristran-- to actually find my own glowing star.

now if i could only find pull myself away from dead stars.

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i really like this article. i really should make it a habit to take pictures everyday, and not be confined to moodswings -- and i guess that also holds true for my writing and painting.

one more session.

i don't know why, but lately i have not been in the mood for anything. sure, i've been very productive -- this may be the most productive i have been in my entire life -- it's as if i keep on moving and moving, but i'm getting nowhere. and worse, i actually see the point of doing whatever it is that i'm doing, for the first time in my life i am actually rational, but i just don't feel it. it doesn't seem right for me to feel so... uncomfortable. it's weird. the unbearable lightness of being?

i find myself sinking back to limbo. work limbo. i know what i'm supposed to do, and i am actually doing it. but it still doesn't feel right. my so-called lovelife limbo. well, really can't say much about that since it's practically non-existent.

boys are stupid.

you. why are you the way you are and why the hell do i even like you?! and why the fuck do you have to be THERE???? i want to scream at your face just so you'll notice that i. am. just. here. literally within your reach.

maybe i'm just bored. or PMS-ing. blah.

and then the lightbulb turns on. i feel uneasy because everything in this phase of my life seems so slow. slow and monotonous.

congrats lisa, you have finally figured one thing out.

i miss rambling. i need something new.

i just realized that my "blogging pattern" is affected by my being in-touch with the real world. no, i do not mean that i blog when i'm insane. it just so happens that i usually blog when i've got nothing better to do. haha. it's somewhat similar with my pattern with art. like i mentioned in my previous post, i find that i can only be "artistic" when i have issues. and now that my life is... stagnant with work and my non-existent lovelife, it seems that i do not only have less time to blog, but i also seem to lack the inspiration to write / post about... things.

but i miss writing. and not just blog writing, but writing. i'm really not much of a writer, but i do miss the feeling of putting to words something you've imagined and actually have people reading them. for the past months i've been immersing myself with all kinds of literature and art just to regain some amount of inspiration, but sadly, i still don't have it.

i've been trying to think of reasons why i've stopped doing what i do -- writing and painting -- but i just get depressed and even more disillusioned. i do not want to stop doing those things (and now photography is getting on that list, but i'll reserve that topic for another post), but it seems that inspiration only comes when i have "issues" -- in other words, when i'm malfunctioning in the real world.

"you can't have the cake and eat it too." looks like that cliche is true after all.


*no connection to this post, but picture above is mine. you can view in my deviantart or jpgmag page.