lisaisms

Die Alone by Ingrid Michaelson

I woke up this morning with a funny taste in my head.
Spackled some butter over my whole grain bread.
Something tastes different, maybe it's my tongue.
Something tastes different, suddenly I'm not so young.

I'm just a stranger, even to myself.
A re-arranger of the proverbial bookshelf.
Don't be a fool girl, tell him you love him.
Don't be a fool girl, you're not above him.

I never thought I could love anyone but myself.
now I know I can't love anyone but you.
You make me think that maybe I won't die alone.
Maybe I won't die alone.

Kiss the boys as they walk by, call me their baby.
But little do they know, I'm just a maybe.
Maybe my baby will be the one to leave me sore.
Maybe my baby will settle the score.

I never thought I could love anyone but myself.
now I know I can't love anyone buy you.
but you make me think that maybe I won't die alone.
Maybe I won't die alone.

What have I become?
Something soft and really quite dumb.
Because I've fallen, oh, 'cause I've fall- fallen, oh 'cause I've fall-fall-fallen
So far away from the place where I started from.

I never thought I could love anyone.
I never thought I could love anyone.
I never thought I could love anyone.
But you....
But you....
But you....
But you....
But you.... but you... make me think that maybe I won't
die alone.
Maybe I won't die alone.

it's funny how he wonders how i can like him when in truth, i can't understand how he can put up with me, much less love me at all. it's a miracle, actually.

i'm apparently googleable.

pasensya sa makakabasa nito--humanda ka sa keso at sa kalabuan ng isip ko.

dito na lang ako sa alam kong totoo, sa sigurado.

totoong nagpapasalamat ako na nakilala ko siya.

siguradong gusto ko siya at napatunayan ko sa sarili na mas gusto ko pa siya ngayon. siguradong napapasaya niya ako at kaya kong maging Ako sa kanya. siguradong gusto pa naming patagalin kung ano man itong meron sa amin.

pero sabi na nga bang mas bagay ito kesa sa Migraine:

Taning by Imago

Sa'n mapupulot ang pag-asa
may katuwiran ba ang sala
ngiti ko ang iyong galak
langit ko ang iyong kandungan

Permiso sa isang araw na makasama ka
abiso ng pusong bulag na humahanga

Chorus:
Tama bang aminin na nating may taning
tong pag-ibig natin
dakila man walang kasaysayang kakapit
sa bulag na pag-ibig

Sa'n hihingi ng patawad
kung walang dalang dahilan
tangis ko ang iyong pagluha
nais ko ang iyong kalayaan

Permiso sa isang araw na makasama ka
abiso ng pusong bulag na humahanga

Chorus:
Tama bang aminin na nating may taning
tong pag-ibig natin
dakila man walang kasaysayang kakapit
sa bulag na pag-ibig

Tama bang aminin na nating may taning
tong pag-ibig natin
dakila man walang kasaysayang kakapit
sa bulag na pag-ibig

Permiso sa isang araw na makasama ka
abiso ng pusong bulag na humahanga

tama bang aminin na nating may taning

i left the office early yesterday to watch No Country for Old Men-- in my opinion the best film i've seen this year so far. i want to write more about it, but i'm still reeling from the whole experience.

Anton Chigurh: You need to call it. I can't call it for you. It wouldn't be fair.
Gas Station Proprietor: I didn't put nothin' up.
Anton Chigurh: Yes, you did. You've been putting it up your whole life you just didn't know it. You know what date is on this coin?
Gas Station Proprietor: No.
Anton Chigurh: 1958. It's been traveling twenty-two years to get here. And now it's here. And it's either heads or tails. And you have to say. Call it.
Gas Station Proprietor: Look, I need to know what I stand to win.
Anton Chigurh: Everything.

Carson Wells: You've seen him, and you're not dead?
Llewelyn Moss: What's this guy supposed to be, the ultimate badass?

Man who hires Wells: [about Chigurh] Just how dangerous is he?
Carson Wells: Compared to what? The bubonic plague?

Anton Chigurh: And you know what's going to happen now. You should admit your situation. There would be more dignity in it.
Carson Wells: You go to hell.
Anton Chigurh: Let me ask you something. If the rule you followed brought you to this, of what use was the rule?
Carson Wells: Do you have any idea how goddamn crazy you are?
Anton Chigurh: You mean the nature of this conversation?
Carson Wells: I mean the nature of you.

Ed Tom Bell: [talking to Ellis] I always figured when I got older, God would sorta come inta my life somehow. And he didn't. I don't blame him. If I was him I would have the same opinion of me that he does.

absolutely brilliant.

*quotes from imdb.com

Tagubilin at Hagubilin
ni Jose F. Lacaba

Mabuhay ka, kaibigan!
Mabuhay ka!
Iyan ang una't huli kong
Tagubilin at habilin:
Mabuhay ka!

Sa edad kong ito, marami akong maibibigay na payo.
Mayaman ako sa payo.

Maghugas ka ng kamay bago kumain.
Maghugas ka ng kamay pagkatapos kumain.
Pero huwag kang maghuhugas ng kamay para lang makaiwas sa sisi.
Huwag kang maghuhugas ng kamay kung may inaapi
Na kaya mong tulungan.

Paupuin sa bus ang matatanda at ang mga may kalong na sanggol.
Magpasalamat sa nagmamagandang-loob.
Matuto sa karanasan ng matatanda
Pero huwag magpatali sa kaisipang makaluma.

Huwag piliting matulog kung ayaw kang dalawin ng antok.
Huwag pag-aksayahan ng panahon ang walang utang na loob.
Huwag makipagtalo sa bobo at baka ka mapagkamalang bobo.
Huwag bubulong-bulong sa mga panahong kailangang sumigaw.

Huwag kang manalig sa bulung-bulungan.
Huwag kang papatay-patay sa ilalim ng pabitin.
Huwag kang tutulog-tulog sa pansitan.

Umawit ka kung nag-iisa sa banyo.
Umawit ka sa piling ng barkada.
Umawit ka kung nalulungkot.
Umawit ka kung masaya.

Ingat lang.

Huwag kang aawit ng “My Way” sa videoke bar at baka ka mabaril.
Huwag kang magsindi ng sigarilyo sa gasolinahan.
Dahan-dahan sa matatarik na landas.
Dahan-dahan sa malulubak na daan.

Higit sa lahat, inuulit ko:

Mabuhay ka, kaibigan!
Mabuhay ka!
Iyan ang una't huli kong
Tagubilin at habilin:
Mabuhay ka!

Maraming bagay sa mundo na nakakadismaya.
Mabuhay ka.
Maraming problema ang mundo na wala na yatang lunas.
Mabuhay ka.

Sa hirap ng panahon, sa harap ng kabiguan,
Kung minsan ay gusto mo nang mamatay.
Gusto mong maglaslas ng pulso kung sawi sa pag-ibig.
Gusto mong uminom ng lason kung wala nang makain.
Gusto mong magbigti kung napakabigat ng mga pasanin.
Gusto mong pasabugin ang bungo mo kung maraming gumugulo sa utak.

Huwag kang patatalo. Huwag kang susuko.

Narinig mo ang sinasabi ng awitin:
“Gising at magbangon sa pagkagupiling,
Sa pagkakatulog na lubhang mahimbing.”
Gumising ka kung hinaharana ka ng pag-ibig.
Bumangon ka kung nananawagan ang kapuspalad.

Ang sabi ng iba: “Ang matapang ay walang-takot lumaban.”
Ang sabi ko naman: Ang tunay na matapang ay lumalaban
Kahit natatakot.

Lumaban ka kung inginungodngod ang nguso mo sa putik.
Bumalikwas ka kung tinatapak-tapakan ka.
Buong-tapang mong ipaglaban ang iyong mga prinsipyo
Kahit hindi ka sigurado na agad-agad kang mananalo.

Mabuhay ka, kaibigan!
Mabuhay ka!
Iyan ang una't huli kong
Tagubilin at habilin:
Mabuhay ka!

after all my angsty-pantsing a while ago, i get this text message:

You'll never find anybody that achieves great success in life without a give up story. Nothing comes free. There will come a time when you too will have to give up something good if you want something better.

*sigh*

to cut to the chase, i'm feeling like shit. here i am again, in this "phase" of not knowing what to do with my life. wait, let me correct that--i don't know what the heck i want to do with my life, and that's way worse.

basically, i'm in jobhunting mode once more. and i'm getting tired of it. 2 jobs in 2 years? that's terrible. and now i'm going for job numero tres. great. good if i already know what i want to do in the long run. but then again, i'm perpetually indecisive and easily impatient. just great. sales? advertising? marketing? photography? IT? to bum, or not to bum? like, WHAT THE FUCK. can i just disappear and get this life thing over and done with? sheesh.

today at work i burst into tears over something so insignificant. my tearducts have a mind of their own, so even if i didn't want to cry over it, it just can't be helped. it's not the stress--hello, how could i be stressed over my so-called work?

and even now as i'm typing this, my tearducts decided that they want another go at it. and this absolutely sucks. what the fuck, i can't even control my own eyes?! how am i supposed to control my life if i can't control my lacrimal glands?!

i guess it's the frustration that i'm not able to meet my own expectations. this sounds a bit mayabang(?), but for most of my life, i have never failed at anything. i may not be the best, but i sure don't fail. it's just not an option. and i guess there's a time for everything, and hence, it's THAT time in my life. woohoo, meet the failure. of course, like everything else in my lucky, lucky life, there couldn't be a better timing. great. when the hell would i be out of this goddamn motherfucking shithole?

and nothing's helping.

this is really one of the times when i just want to