i don't really know how to start off this post in a creative way so i'll just go straight to the point. i was rushed to the ER last july 23 because of extreme abdominal pains. the doctors couldn't figure out what was wrong with me, so i was examined in the delivery room, ultrasound and eventually went to CT scan. on july 25 after my scan results came out, the doctors decided that i should undergo surgery because of a bloated appendix and "fluid" that already reached my lungs. so there, i went under the knife around 5pm. i left the hospital on july 31. except for the fact that i still have to clean my wound, i'm relatively okay now.

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being hospitalized and [still] being on house arrest just makes you think about a lot of things. for one, i'm really thankful. i'm thankful most of all for my family. my parents, especially my mother, have been so strong despite all the challenges that came up in our lived recently. and because my mom could not be with me at all times, tita lydia and ate vilma stayed with me in the hospital. i'm thankful for my friends, especially those who visited me. i also received a surprise visit from jeff, whom i haven't seen in a long time. i'm thankful for the nice people in the hospital: my nurse (she's also 22 years old and very pretty) and the lady who washed my hair and scrubbed my back (i wanted to cry tears of joy--i haven't taken a bath in about 5 days at the time).

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i'm actually surprised that i'm [trying to be] optimistic about things when there's the huge temptation/ rationale not to be. i guess you just realize what really matters. i also started praying the rosary before going to sleep.

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i did some research and i want to cry (again). i wish i could do something about it, but there really is none.

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my doctor said that "every person is entitled to a huge mistake once in their lives."

i guess mine's done.

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i miss having a life.

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and this song's been stuck in my head for the longest time:
"That's What You Get" by Paramore

No, sir
Well, I don't wanna be the blame, not anymore
It's your turn, so take a seat
We're settling the final score

And why do we like to hurt so much?
I can't decide
You have made it harder just to go on
And why, all the possibilities
Well, I was wrong

That's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa
That's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa
I drowned out all my sense with the sound of its beating
And that's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa

I wonder how am I supposed to feel when you're not here
Cause I burned every bridge I ever built when you were here
I still try holding onto silly things
I never learn
Oh why, all the possibilites
I'm sure you've heard

That's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa
That's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa
I drowned out all my sense with the sound of its beating (beating)
And that's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa

Pain, make your way to me, to me
And I'll always be just so inviting
If I ever start to think straight
This heart will start a riot in me
Let's start, start, hey!

Why do we like to hurt so much?
Oh, why do we like to hurt so much?

That's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa
That's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa
That's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa

Now I can't trust myself with anything but this
And that's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa