lisaisms

vectoring colors of death by ~rinascita on deviantART

finished Seasons 1-3 last week. funniest show EVER.

*UPDATE*


ayus!

going punk by ~rinascita on deviantART

doug kramer and chesca garcia's wedding. they're such a cute couple--bagay talaga sila sa isa't isa. :)


Cheska and Doug SDE from Jason Magbanua on Vimeo.

pag kinasal ako--isang napakalaking "pag"--di bale nang magutom yung guests, basta meron akong DESIGNER GOWN, perfect makeup at well-made video. :)

i'm not really into this UAAP season. i'm glad and proud of the team, but i didn't really root for them in any way. i went to the bonfire but left early. i miss being a student, THAT life. for a brief moment, i thought that going back to ateneo would bring everything back--which is completely unrealistic, of course. i don't know if it was just the weather, crowd or whatever, but it just didn't feel right. ateneo seemed so different and distant. the one place where i used to feel safe and comfortable (aside from our house) now feels strangely unfamiliar. at first i thought how much ateneo has changed the past two years, but i realized that it was really ME who changed. i'm no longer that idealistic student or easy-going dormer. i'm now an adult, and surprisingly, i don't feel that bad about it anymore.

(sorry for the crappy photo--took pics while trying to keep up with joan and kramer. hehe)

----------

this article has been going around the atenean community. quite a good read.

----------

i'm

really

terrible

at

relationships.

a lot of things have been going on with m life recently, so i haven't been blogging as much as i normally do. some random news:

• Ateneo won the championship in the UAAP men's basketball
  
• i took a test in P&G--and passed! currently waiting for an interview sked.
• been on an emotional roller coaster (again) and now back on safe/ sane ground
• i'm back in the drinking game
• watched Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 (i know what you're thinking: WTF?!) and enjoyed it
• a recent project:
  

rego 200 by ~rinascita on deviantART


jazz by ~rinascita on deviantART

• tripod
• lensbaby
  
• headset
• funds to attend a class--fashion styling/ photography/ makeup
• a new job
• a commitment-ready guy (i just had to include this. hehe) someone i can count on
  
• a nice bag
• a nice pair of shoes
• COURAGE
  

i'm not really sure how to start off this post. i'm not feeling like myself lately and i've missed (and am still missing) a lot of things, but i feel like i should say something. anything. so here goes another round of rambling:

• i'm really tired of my current job. unfortunately, i'm not in the position to resign yet. i never thought that i would spend more than a year there. i've had several interviews the past 2 weeks, but i haven't found a job/ company that i really like.
  
• i want to learn something new again. my choices are: commercial product photography, Adobe Illustrator basics (in PCCI), fashion styling and make-up (either in SOFA or LaSalle College).
  
• we haven't talked at all this weekend. i hate to say this, but i think it's going downhill from here (relationship-wise). i'm always praying for him and i'm happy that he's into other things, but what if the answer to my prayers and to his problems is for us to part ways? and what's worse is that i don't even have the fuckin' right to feel this way--after all, there's no "commitment" between us.. i just want someone i can COUNT ON.
• finished reading Oranges Are Not The Only Fruit by Jeanette Winterson this week. i wanted to write about it, but as usual, didn't get to do so. amazing book. new favorite author.
• tried to move to WordPress, but since i can't use a custom theme until i upgrade my account, i decided to stick with good ol' Blogger. guess it's the boredom.
• been watching the long overdue Season 6 of The Sopranos--probably my favorite series of all time. will watch Arrested Development after.
• i miss going out. i feel like a lola. or rapunzel. only i don't have long hair.
  
• after a month of hiatus, the few times i've been to the mall i've spent around Php5k already. not much, but given that i haven't received a month's salary and that i have to pay my mom Php5,400 monthly, i'm not really in any position to spend. but i do think i deserve it anyway, so i'm burning my credit card.
  
• i take back what i said in an earlier post about getting my photography groove back. apparently i'm not.
• for some reason, i'm not into the UAAP anymore. heck, i haven't watched an Ateneo game yet. tried to, but i get bored.
  

the concert of the year.
the concert we have wished for since the group disbanded.
the concert of arguably the best filipino band in history.

music that we grew up with.
music we first actually played.
music that we have sung, are still singing, and will sing in the next generations to come.


AND I FUCKING MISSED IT.


yes, you read it right. i missed the greatest concert in my lifetime so far. nevermind Incubus, this is THE Eraserheads. the first band i have loved. Huling El Bimbo is the first i have learned to play on the guitar, and after i've forgotten how to play every other song, it's also the last song i can play. the band embodies true filipino music and culture, and that's the reason why they have become so popular, successful and loved.

okay, health comes first. i'm currently in no condition to rock out at any concert.
this is actually the first time i feel resentment and regret over what happened to me. *sighs*

what's worse is that i was already THERE. my mom took me to a bazaar at The Fort, which was right behind the stage. my brother was also at Bonifacio High Street and we fetched him in front of Fully Booked--right when the concert started and i heard Alapaap over the airwaves.

Gusto mo bang sumama?

hearing that line, i couldn't help thinking, "Oo!" pero hanggang dito lang ako. LSS ng mga kanta nila tuloy ang inabot ko.


(sudden realization: i missed 2 reunion concerts of the 2 bands i like the most this year. sheesh.)

my sister Diane and i just looooove to watch America's Next Top Model, and having a kikay sibling means opportunities for photo shoots! we imitated cycle 8's "four personalities" shoot, and the bottom right photo's similar to CariDee's dumb model portrayal in cycle 7. minimal makeup and styling by me, of course (i really need to attend a makeup class sometime in the near future).























----------

i think i'm getting my photography groove back. :)

i just needed some slapping. haha.

i'm not really into mainstream comedy films, but i am a fan of Steve Carell, so i watched Evan Almighty yesterday in HBO. it's filed under comedy, but you don't really laugh for most of the film. the few funny parts are the witty remarks of Evan (Steve Carell) and his assistants. anyway, it's not that bad: the movie may fail as a comedy but it is a feel-good family movie.

on a side note, i love this quote because it does make a lot of sense and when you think about it, it's actually true:

Let me ask you something. If someone prays for patience, you think God gives them patience? Or does he give them the opportunity to be patient? If he prayed for courage, does God give him courage, or does he give him opportunities to be courageous? If someone prayed for the family to be closer, do you think God zaps them with warm fuzzy feelings, or does he give them opportunities to love each other?

- God (Morgan Freeman)

i just love this commercial from discovery channel:

got published again. this time it's with NowPublic.com in a story about children being bullied by their schoolmates for wearing the "wrong brand". captured the page before it changes--mine's the yellow nike shoes.

i don't really know how to start off this post in a creative way so i'll just go straight to the point. i was rushed to the ER last july 23 because of extreme abdominal pains. the doctors couldn't figure out what was wrong with me, so i was examined in the delivery room, ultrasound and eventually went to CT scan. on july 25 after my scan results came out, the doctors decided that i should undergo surgery because of a bloated appendix and "fluid" that already reached my lungs. so there, i went under the knife around 5pm. i left the hospital on july 31. except for the fact that i still have to clean my wound, i'm relatively okay now.

----------

being hospitalized and [still] being on house arrest just makes you think about a lot of things. for one, i'm really thankful. i'm thankful most of all for my family. my parents, especially my mother, have been so strong despite all the challenges that came up in our lived recently. and because my mom could not be with me at all times, tita lydia and ate vilma stayed with me in the hospital. i'm thankful for my friends, especially those who visited me. i also received a surprise visit from jeff, whom i haven't seen in a long time. i'm thankful for the nice people in the hospital: my nurse (she's also 22 years old and very pretty) and the lady who washed my hair and scrubbed my back (i wanted to cry tears of joy--i haven't taken a bath in about 5 days at the time).

----------

i'm actually surprised that i'm [trying to be] optimistic about things when there's the huge temptation/ rationale not to be. i guess you just realize what really matters. i also started praying the rosary before going to sleep.

----------

i did some research and i want to cry (again). i wish i could do something about it, but there really is none.

----------

my doctor said that "every person is entitled to a huge mistake once in their lives."

i guess mine's done.

----------

i miss having a life.

----------

and this song's been stuck in my head for the longest time:

"That's What You Get" by Paramore

No, sir
Well, I don't wanna be the blame, not anymore
It's your turn, so take a seat
We're settling the final score

And why do we like to hurt so much?
I can't decide
You have made it harder just to go on
And why, all the possibilities
Well, I was wrong

That's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa
That's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa
I drowned out all my sense with the sound of its beating
And that's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa

I wonder how am I supposed to feel when you're not here
Cause I burned every bridge I ever built when you were here
I still try holding onto silly things
I never learn
Oh why, all the possibilites
I'm sure you've heard

That's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa
That's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa
I drowned out all my sense with the sound of its beating (beating)
And that's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa

Pain, make your way to me, to me
And I'll always be just so inviting
If I ever start to think straight
This heart will start a riot in me
Let's start, start, hey!

Why do we like to hurt so much?
Oh, why do we like to hurt so much?

That's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa
That's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa
That's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa

Now I can't trust myself with anything but this
And that's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa

my photo was chosen to be included in Schmap Melbourne Guide for the Melbourne Aquarium. yay! :)

last week was the most emotionally fucked up week in my life. out of the seven days of the week, i cried five. thank god it's over.

but it's also good to take note of past things. we live, we learn, and we never give up.

----------

my dad was diagnosed with colon cancer almost a month ago. last friday he underwent sugery to remove the affected part of his colon and part of his liver. he's out of the ICU and back in his room, but he'll still need chemotherapy.

needless to say, it was difficult seeing my father that way. i just hope he gets better and recovers quickly.

thank you for the prayers.

----------

relationship? commitment? love?

ano nga ulit yung mga yun?

hay.

makapagbasa nga ulit ng philo at theo.

----------

if people keep on telling you to do one thing--because they think/ believe that it's the best for you--but you're not sure, would you follow their advise anyway just to appease them?

----------

scary thought: someone completely knowing you.

scarier: that someone gone.

The Sacrament of Waiting by Fr. James Donelan, S.J. (got the whole thing here):

The English poet John Milton wrote that those who serve only also stand and wait. I think I would go further and say that those who wait render the highest form of service. Waiting requires more discipline, more self-control and emotional maturity, more unshakable faith in our cause, more unwavering hope in the future, more sustaining love in our hearts that all the greatest deeds of derring-do go by the name of action.

Waiting is a mystery - a natural sacrament of life - there is a meaning hidden in all the times we have to wait. It must be an important mystery because there is so much waiting in our lives. Everyday is filled with those little moments of waiting (testing our patience and our nerves, schooling us in self-control). We wait for meals to be served, for a letter to arrive, for a friend to call or show up for a date. We wait in line at cinemas and theaters, concerts and circuses. Our airline terminals, railway stations and bus depots are great temples of waiting filled with men and women who wait in joy for the arrival of a loved one - or wait in sadness to say goodbye and give the last wave of hand. We wait for springs to come - or autumn - for the rains to begin and stop. And we wait for ourselves to grow from childhood to maturity. We wait for those
inner voices that tell us when we are ready for the next stop.

We wait for graduation, for our first job, our first promotion. We wait for success and recognition. We wait to grow up - to reach the stage where we make our own decisions. We cannot remove this waiting from our lives. It is a part of the tapestry of living - the fabric in which the threads are woven to tell the story of our lives. Yet current philosophies would have us forget the need to wait. "Grab all the gusto
you can get!" So reads one of America's greatest beer ads - get it now! Instant pleasure, instant transcendence. Do not wait for anything. Life is short - eat, drink and be merry because tomorrow you will die. And so they rationalize us into accepting unlicensed and irresponsible freedom - pre-marital sex and extra marital affairs - they warn against attachments and commitments - against expecting anything of anybody, or allowing them to expect anything of us - against dropping any anchors in the currents of our life that will cause us to hold and wait.

This may be the correct prescription for pleasure - but even that is fleeting and doubtful - what was it Shakespeare said about the mad pursuit of pleasure -
"Past reason hunted, and once had, past reason hated."

Not if we wish to be real human beings, spirit as well as flesh, soul as well as heart, we have to learn to wait. For if we never learn to wait, we will never learn to love someone other than ourselves.

For most of all waiting means waiting for someone else. It is a mystery brushing by our face everyday like stray wind or a leaf falling from a tree. Anyone who has ever loved knows how much waiting goes into it, how much waiting is important for love to grow, to flourish through a lifetime.

Why is this so? Why can’t we have love right now—two years, three years, five years—and seemingly waste so much time? You might as well ask why a tree should take so long to bear fruit, the seed to flower, carbon to change into a diamond.

There is no simple answer, no more than there is to life’s demands: having to say goodbye to someone you love because either you or they have already made other commitments, or because they have to grow and find the meaning of their own lives, having yourself to leave home and loved ones to find your path. Goodbyes, like waiting, are also sacraments of our lives.

All we know is that growth—the budding, the flowering of love needs patient waiting. We have to give each other time to grow. There is no way we can make someone else truly love us or we love them, except through time. So we give each other that mysterious gift of waiting—of being present without making demands or asking rewards. There is nothing harder to do than this. It tests the depth and sincerity of our love. But there is life in the gift we give.

So lovers wait for each other until they can see things the same way, or let each other freely see things in quite different ways. What do we lose when lovers hurt each other and cannot regain the balance and intimacy of the way they were? They have to wait—in silence—but still be present to each other until the pain subsides to an ache and then only a memory, and the threads of the tapestry can be woven together again in a single love story.

What do we lose when we refuse to wait? When we try to find short cuts through life, when we try to incubate love and rush blindly and foolishly into a commitment we are neither mature nor responsible enough to assume? We lose the hope of ever truly loving or being loved. Think of all the great love stories of history and literature. Isn’t it of their very essence that they are filled with the strange but common mystery—that waiting is part of the substance, the basic fabric—against which the story of that true love is written?

How can we ever find either life or love if we are too impatient to wait for it?

When one does not love too much,

one does not love enough.

- Pascal