i just read my blog. my whole blog. funny pathetic sad missing whatever. but absolutely NO REGRETS. it's nice to know that i have gone through those experiences and overcame whatever came my way. nakakapagbigay ng pag-asa sa akin ngayon.

and then i came across this post. super laughtrip! i was taking up HR Management during that time. kadiri. hindi na ako ganon. and it's funny, because i recently "reduced" that to a mere list that basically includes my "non-negotiables and preferred" qualities. i'll probably post it when the time is right :)

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i have been recently feeling... different. half the time i'm happy; half the time i'm scared. a different kind of scared. but it's not like i want to get out of it-- it's like i'm being pulled into a whirlpool and there's no way i can resist it. then again, i can't resist it because in the first place, i don't want to resist it. it's nice and it's not nice. most of the time i'm palpitating and i often feel like throwing up.

this is how i felt in one of my dreams. i was flying. i loved it, but when i wanted to get down, i just bounced and went up even higher. it was fun and scary. i remember waking up with my heart beating so fast.

i think it's close to the feeling i got after riding the Enchanted Kingdom's Space Shuttle for the first time.

ngayon lang talaga ito. nakakainis. i just want to get this over with.

(but then again, part of me doesn't.)