talked to him today. surprised? i sure was. but it was a pleasant surprise. i realized that i am really over him. (haha! after sooo many months.) i also realized how much i missed him-- just talking and listening to his crazy stories. (yet, i still wonder "how the heck did i fall for that guy?!") but things are definitely better this time, and i'm happy. i'm glad that we're still friends. i'm glad that he's doing fine. and it seems that wheels have turned.. he has a grip on his life and i don't. haha. i envy him in some way, because he's proud of everything that he does, everything that's in his life, while sadly, on the other hand, i am not. he has a way with people that makes them comfortable around him. he has the ability to make most of everything. he has gone past the phase of doubt, anger and self-destruction. he has moved on with his life. he knows what makes him happy: his car, his dog, and his current addiction, wargames. i don't know if he's just putting up an act for me, but still, i'm both proud and jealous of him for that. i wish i could do the same.

and today on Maury, people were reunited with their first loves. talk about coincidence.

[currently listening to: Lonely Day, Phantom Planet]